¡QUÉ HORROR! 2016

Candidate #1

TALES OF HALLOWEEN

(July 2015)

"Do you know what would perk up this candy-ass display?

“Some motherf*ckin’ blood!”

With ten stories in its 97-minute running time, The October Society’s Tales of Halloween has a pretty darn good batting average for a horror anthology, in that--at least as far as I’m concerned--there really isn’t any segment in here that’s a particular stinker.

Naturally, you will like some stories more than others, but it’s a pretty good bet that you’ll come out of this thinking, “Sh!t, yeah, that was fun!”

And that’s what Tales of Halloween is, really.

From the “SNL sketch as directed by old school splatter Peter Jackson” insanity of Mike Mendez’s “Friday the 31^st” to the stylized horror of Lucky McKee’s “Ding Dong” (with Pollyanna McIntosh!), from the blackly comedic commentary of the ultimately pointless debate between old school horror and the more modern black metal splatterpunk aesthetic in John Skipp and Andrew Kasch’s “This Means War” (with James Duval!) to the bizarro horror of Neil Marshall’s “Bad Seed” (with Pat Healy as “Forensic Bob”!), Tales of Halloween is some awesomely fun Halloween horror viewing.

“Are you kidding me?! My nuts were viciously assaulted by a monster, dude!”

Plus, there’s a whole bunch of familiar genre faces in here, including Greg Grunberg, Lin Shaye, Noah Segan, Sam Witwer, John Landis, Adam Green, and Joe Dante.

Alex Essoe (from ¡Qué horror! 2015 title, Starry Eyes) and Drew Struzan (as “Rembrandt”) are in here, too, along with Adrienne Barbeau, who basically echoes her Stevie Wayne character from The Fog as the very loose bridging element of “The Radio DJ”.

Originating from an idea by Axelle Carolyn (who also happens to be Neil Marshall’s wife), Tales of Halloween is a mighty fine addition to the ranks of horror anthologies out there.

So be sure and stuff this one into your Halloween candy sack!

“Go bag me some of those horror freaks!”

Parting Shot: The film is dedicated to the memory of Ben Woolf, who recently appeared as Meep in American Horror Story: Freak Show.

(Tales of Halloween OS’ courtesy of aintitcool.com & bloody-disgusting.com.)

MASTERS OF HORROR
Season 2 Episode 12
“The Washingtonians”
Teleplay by Johnathon Schaech and Richard Chizmar; based on the short story by Bentley Little; directed by Peter Medak

Horror is at its best when it is used as a platform from which to say something, to make some statement regarding society or culture or the human condition; when it is more than just some stalking slasher chasing after nubile, photogenic co-eds, or some long-haired, contortionist ghost.
Based on the short story by Bentley Little, “The Washingtonians” posits that America’s founding father was in truth, a cannibal, and that there is a fringe society of fanatics who not only strive to keep that truth a secret, but also have a taste for human flesh.
As outrageous as its central premise sounds, “The Washingtonians” is nonetheless one of the most effective and telling tales of MoH’s second season.

Directed by Peter Medak (best known to horror geeks as the man who gave us The Changeling), from a teleplay co-written by Johnathon Schaech (The Doom Generation, The Forsaken; Schaech also plays the lead role of Mike Franks), “The Washingtonians” is a savage portrait of history-as-perpetrated myth and America-as-eater of its young, with a sly, comedic wink at its very end.
Despite the slight awkwardness of the protracted exposition during the climactic Washingtonian feast, this, alongside Joe Dante’s “The Screwfly Solution,” is the best of season 2.

(The Washingtonians DVD cover art courtesy of amazon.com.)

ON THE LOT
Episode 14
America’s Choice

Wow. Second nasty On The Lot surprise in as many weeks.
Zach. That is such a bummer. The guy I thought was a shoo-in for Final Three. Zach was like the Hiro of On The Lot, you know? The one who seemed the most enthusiastic and excited about the whole prospect of working with Spielberg at Dreamworks.
In retrospect, I think Zach just sort of stumbled badly with that one-two “Bonus Feature” fiasco. I’m almost sorry I pointed out the whole sequel/pirates thing last week.
Crap. Well, Spielberg better be watching his own show, and can spot the creativity in Mr. Lipovsky, or some other movie mogul is gonna swoop in and take him under their wing.
Zach, I’ll be watching for you, dude.

So tonight’s shorts all took off from the logline, a man wakes up in a dress, and can’t remember the night before.

MY FAVORITE: Adam Stein’s “Army Guy”
Sgt. Joe wakes up in a dress, and is constantly accosted by Candy, who wants to marry him, but Joe’s too busy tracking down the Russian scoundrel Dmitri, who also apparently has a thing for girly clothes…
Hands down the most ambitious short tonight, and the clear winner (all three judges thought so too). Though the reveal wasn’t really a surprise, and the film does owe a lot to Joe Dante (recalling Small Soldiers and Dante’s “It’s a Good Life“ segment from Twilight Zone: The Movie), Adam still delivers a good, solid, and fun piece.

Will Bigham’s “The Yes Men”
The big boss wakes up in his office in a dress, and all the lackies and the sycophants take note.
A great, absurd look at the working environment and just how far people are willing to go to get ahead, Will’s entry is the only short to pretty much sidestep the “why” of the dress and focus on the effects of it on the characters around it (as opposed to the character in it).

Sam Friedlander’s “Dress For Success”
A lecherous, chauvinist boss is taught a lesson by three female employees.
The short starts out good, with some Saw overtones, but stumbles into 9 to 5 territory, diluting the entire affair. (Guest judge F. Gary Gray rightly points out that the two tones don’t quite mesh.)
The punchline was okay though, and was quite possibly the reason why it played better for me than Jason’s short…

MY LEAST FAVORITE: Jason Epperson’s “Oh, Boy.”
A man wakes up in a dress on a suburban lawn, with explosives strapped to his waist. He’s then ordered to do ridiculous things, or else, boom.
Again, Jason doesn’t do it for me, and the ending he delivers (the best of a dozen, or so he claims) just plays like one of those hokey Hollywood, Hey, look! No one got hurt and no one died in this movie (even if, by all rights, they should have) endings.

So these are the shorts that are gonna determine who the Final Three are, and if past experience has taught me anything (just look at last week’s results), Jason will slide into Final Three like a greased pig.
So… I don’t really want to think about who’s going home next. Let’s just all be surprised next week.

As I mentioned above, tonight’s guest judge was F. Gary Gray, who brought us Friday, The Italian Job, and The Negotiator. Of that sampling of Gray’s work, I’ve only seen The Italian Job, which was one of those okay Hollywood heist films. You know, popcorn entertainment. But hey, at least Gray comes across a lot better than Michael Bay does.

Next week: Final Three.

(Contestant image courtesy of thelot.com; F. Gary Gray image courtesy of dga.org.)

MASTERS
OF
HORROR
Season 2
Episode 7

“The Screwfly
Solution”
Teleplay by Sam Hamm; based on the novelette by James Tiptree, Jr.; directed by Joe Dante

Beginning with a tiny shot of a static-filled screen, the cathode snow dissolving into a swarm of screwflies, this terribly effective entry into the annals of apocalypse cinema winds up as the frontrunner for best episode of Season 2.

This time out, the calamity that threatens to annihilate civilization and the human race is a tailor-made virus that turns man’s own sexual drive against himself, using it as the key to the species’ destruction.
A fair amount of aggression is a significant component of the male sex drive; what this virus does is to eliminate the distinction in the male mind, turning any sexual impulse into violence, with a corresponding religious dimension to the act. Thus, loving husbands will suddenly turn on their spouses and daughters, leaving the house spattered in their blood, all because God told them to tidy up the mess. They may even belt out a refrain of “Amazing Grace” just to mellow things out.

As the Dante-Hamm tag team did in Season 1’s powerhouse “Homecoming,” they once again use the stage of the horror genre as a platform to explore social issues. In “The Screwfly Solution,” it’s the gender wars and the idea of a closet misogynist in all men. It’s the post-millennial fear of the pandemic and the anxiety over the horrifying ease with which society can crumble.
This is a bleak portrait of the genocide of our species with some effective performances, particularly from Beverly Hills 90210’s Jason Priestley, Elliott Gould, and Linda Darlow.

The scenario set out by Dante and Hamm is so terrifyingly convincing, that the eleventh hour revelation of the virus’ origins is almost unnecessary. After all, George Romero never set down in stone the exact reasons for his zombies in his Dead movies, but they’re still potent social and cultural indictments that scare the living sh*t out of us, right?
It’s even entirely possible that the cautionary tale of “The Screwfly Solution” would have been more effective without that revelation (then there would be no clear “other” to blame).
Nonetheless, Dante does a tremendous job here, and is apparently the only “Master of Horror” from the glory days of the 80’s who’s still got his chops. (Please take note, Messrs. Carpenter, Hooper, and Argento.)

Parting shot: James Tiptree, Jr. is the pen name of Alice Bradley Sheldon, who chose to write science fiction using a masculine pseudonym to help “… break down the imaginary barrier between `women’s writing’ and `men’s writing.’” (Quote from The James Tiptree, Jr. Award website. The annual Tiptree Awards are presented to works “… that explore and expand gender roles in science fiction and fantasy,” and are “… intended to reward those women and men who are bold enough to contemplate shifts and changes in gender roles, a fundamental aspect of any society.”)
Curiously enough, Sheldon wrote “The Screwfly Solution” (published in 1977 and recipient of the Nebula Award for Best Novelette) under the pseudonym “Raccoona Sheldon,” though the episode credits the story to Tiptree (presumably since that pen name is the more widely known).

(The Screwfly Solution DVD cover art courtesy of anchorbayentertainment.com.)