TRUE BLOOD
Season 1 Episode 4
“Escape From Dragon House”
Written by Brian Buckner
Directed by Michael Lehmann
(WARNING: SPOILERS)

This is gonna sound really bad, but with Dawn winding up dead, one of the things that popped into my head was: hey, we get to see more William Sanderson and Chris Bauer! And The Nine’s John Billingsley too, who debuted a couple of episodes back as the local coroner, Mike Spencer.
Her death also turns into a lookie-loo circus which then serves to showcase the community and its morbid reaction to the most recent death.


Once again, Jason comes under suspicion, and, finding himself in a cop car with a vial of V juice in his possession, he panics, and downs the whole thing (when Lafayette warned him to take a drop or two at the most).
That action then develops into another amusing subplot involving horndog Jason, as he develops a bad case of priapism, which Tara helps him out with.


Meanwhile, Gran asks Sookie to “listen in” on people in an attempt to clear Jason’s name, a request which leads Sookie to the vampire bar in Shreveport, Fangtasia, which Dawn used to frequent.
Sookie asks Bill to escort her there (“this is not a date”), and it’s a nice little sequence which introduces Eric Northman (Generation Kill’s Alexander Skarsgård), apparently one of the oldest vampires in the area.


But the most disturbing scene of the episode has to go to Sam, writhing on Dawn’s bed, smelling the sheets.
Eurrr…
So first, Jason’s the murder suspect, and now, we’re given another character to look at a little more closely.
Whether or not Sam did kill Dawn though, he’s clearly more effed-up than we were first led to believe…

(Images courtesy of fanpop.com.)

TRUE BLOOD
Season 1 Episode 3
“Mine”
Written by Alan Ball
Directed by John Dahl
(WARNING: SPOILERS)

“Honey, if we can’t kill people, what’s the point of bein’ a vampire?”
-- Malcolm to Bill

Well, now.
Far as I’m concerned, True Blood has just kicked into high gear.


Right up front, we get a great helping of the show’s vampire mythology, particularly the social structures and hierarchy involved, as well as the differing opinions regarding the race’s having come out of the coffin.
It’s an added plus that the performers playing the vampire nest—Andrew Rothenberg, Aunjanue Ellis (from Justice and E-Ring), and General Hospital’s Graham Shiels—are splendid additions to the show’s cast.
Rothenberg’s Malcolm, older than Bill and a petulant bastard, runs the nest, which includes Ellis’ Diane (who apparently had sex with Bill back in the ‘30’s), and Shiels’ Liam, who’s the bald bloodsucking mofo we saw on the video with Maudette.
These are the down and dirty vampires who could give a rat’s a$ about co-existing with humans, and of course, will undoubtedly spell trouble for Bill and Sookie and the rest of the breathers on the show.


Then there’s what could be the second victim of whoever offed Maudette, poor Dawn.
Again, as with Maudette, the victim’s someone who’s, a) been bitten by a vampire, and b) just been in a sexual relationship with horndog Jason, who, by the way, is exhibiting more and more signs of his vampire fixation.
Concerned about his, erm, performance, Jason tries to score some Viagra off Lafayette, who instead sells him some V-juice, for, uhhh, an interesting dance. (Strange and hilarious scene, one of the best of the show yet…)


There’re also some great discussions in here, from Bill and Sookie’s dialogue regarding magic and vampires, to Tara and Sam’s heart-to-heart, which leads to them mutually ending their months-long sexual droughts.
Speaking of Tara, her tumultuous relationship with her alky mom (American Dreams’ Adina Porter) also gets a spotlight.
All that, plus the possibility of a divine reason for Starbucks, and the punchline to Gran’s story about Uncle Frank.
Priceless.

Parting shot: O.C. fans may appreciate the brief appearance of Nicholas Gonzalez (Marissa’s Season 2 poolboy paramour, D.J.), as Malcolm’s boytoy, Jerry.

“You know what I really wish would come to Marthaville? Huh? Buffy. Or Blade. Or any one of those bad-a$$ vampire killers to take care of Mr. Bill Compton. That’s what I wish.”
-- Sam to the Mystery Dog

Parting shot: Given the particularly delayed, post-Golden Globe nature of this review’s posting, I would be remiss if I did not congratulate Ms. Anna Paquin, for her Globe win.
Of course, given my still not-completely-won over status regarding Ms. Paquin, let me just say that if she won, then, for future reference, certain other cast members need to be Globe-acknowledged in the Supporting categories as well. (Please stand up, Rutina Wesley.)
Hear that, aitch-ef-pee-ey?

(Images courtesy of fanpop.com.)

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
Season 4 Episode 10
“Revelations”
Written by Bradley Thompson and David Weddle
Directed by Michael Rymer
(WARNING: SPOILERS)

Twelve Cylon models
Seven are known
Four live in secret
One will be revealed

So, not only was the mid-season finale a tense little motherfraker, but it also reduced me to a blubbering idiot, before pole-axing me with that punch-in-the-stomach coda.
Man, if this is what it feels like halfway through the last hurrah, the series finale will be brutal…


So D’Anna takes the lead and announces that she’ll be holding the humans hostage, till she gets the Cylons from the Fleet. Adama and Helo aren’t thrilled by that and there’s a Mexican standoff, till Roslin asks Bill to trust her.
D’Anna then says that Adama will accompany her to the Galactica, but when he says he won’t leave, Laura whispers in his ear that D’Anna cannot be allowed to take the Five, so if things should go sour, that the base ship be destroyed, regardless of who’s on board.


The base ship and Raptor jump back to the Fleet, and when D’Anna and Adama get to the Galactica, D’Anna says she’ll wait for the four Cylons in the Fleet to join them, and only then will she release the hostages.
Toaster Tory, canny little minx, says she should return with D’Anna to the base ship, purportedly so she can bring President Roslin her meds.
Which she does, but when Laura asks her to speak with D’Anna to stand down (after Tory is revealed to indeed be a Cylon), Tory says, I don’t take orders from you anymore. (B!tch.)

Suddenly changing the game plan, D’Anna jettisons a hostage out the airlock, and she threatens to execute a hostage every 15 minutes till the still Secret Cylons turn themselves over.
There’s a hurried idea to draft a rescue plan, during which the four Fleet Cylons again have a “Watchtower” moment, that leads Tigh, Sam, and the Chief, to that apparently brand new Viper Starbuck flew back to Galactica in.
Sam and the Chief are convinced there’s something different about the Viper, something important, so when Sam says Starbuck knows this ship inside and out, Tigh tells him to get her down there, then goes off to do what he knows he has to do (something he admits he should have done from the moment it happened, if only he’d been braver).
What follows is a really great scene where Tigh admits to Adama that he’s a Cylon, and that the only way to get D’Anna to stand down, is to threaten to blow him out the airlock.

But the revelation first leads to one of those scary, volcanic moments when Adama loses his cool and rages. It’s like witnessing some volatile force that makes you terrified to even breathe, lest you trigger any more outbursts that could be directed at you.
Adama then drinks himself blind and is himself a blubbering mess, as Lee lovingly tries to get him to pull himself together.
It’s an emotionally devastating scene, where we see just how important Tigh’s friendship is to Adama. The scene is then made all the more powerful by the genuine caring that Lee shows for his father.
Brokenly, Adama admits that—should it come down to it—he just can’t kill Tigh, so Lee says he’ll take care of it.


What follows is a fraktastic stand-off sequence as D’Anna threatens to execute more hostages, while Baltar tries to talk sense to her.
On board Galactica, Tigh is placed in an airlock, with Lee ready at the button that will suck the poor one-eyed skinjob into outer space.
Lee then asks Tigh who the others are.

Meanwhile, Starbuck can’t understand why Sam and the Chief think there’s something about the Viper, but Sam says, When you had a feeling you knew how to get to Earth, I trusted you, so trust our feeling on this.
The grunts then arrive to arrest Sam and the Chief, who are brought to the airlock to keep Tigh company.
Despite Baltar trying to talk sense to D’Anna, things escalate to the point where the base ship’s weaponry is targeted at the Fleet, and Tigh is alone in the airlock, Lee ready to consign his Toaster a$ into space. Even as we see Starbuck find some reading on a gauge of the Viper (probably one that points to Earth) and start running all the way to the airlock, Tigh demands of Lee, “Well, what are you waiting for?! Do it!”


Starbuck of course arrives before first blood on either side is drawn.
She shows the readings to Lee, who takes a little convincing, before he accepts that Starbuck’s probably right.
And, in a pivotal moment, Lee decides to share the information with the Cylons. There’s another great moment in the episode, as Lee and D’Anna shake on this truce, as they both agree that human and Cylon will journey to Earth, together.

Lee than has a quiet moment with Adama, who we see is clearly broken by the Tigh-is-a-Toaster revelation. When Lee asks if he’s ready to take command again, Adama says, I don’t know.
Laura arrives, asking, What don’t you know?
Laura and Adama then have a nice, tender moment, during which Laura says, I want to see you with that first fistful of Earth.
Rockface then stands to face his immense responsibilities, leaving Laura and Lee to have that Moment I’ve been waiting for.
Lee says, Well, this is the end of the shortest Presidential term in Colonial history.
And Laura responds, You made the right choices in a very difficult situation, and this Fleet will still need that sort of strong leadership in the days to come.
So the rift between the two is on its way to healing (yahoo!), and Adama emerges in his uniform, ready to roll the hard six.


What follows is a tremendously moving sequence as the Fleet and the damaged base ship make that final jump to the coordinates they believe are going to take them to Earth.
The sequence is brilliant, capturing all the hope and bittersweet emotions of this jump to what they have held out will be their salvation.
After poor Felix confirms the stellar coordinates, Adama makes a moving speech over the wireless, and we see faces across Galactica and the Fleet, even the faces of some of the Not-So-Secret-Anymore Cylons, particularly Tigh (who’s alone, getting sloshed) and the Chief, who’s with Nicky, and of course, Cally’s absence is overwhelming.
It’s a sequence both joyous and melancholy, bringing home the point that this is what the Fleet has been striving for since that horrible day the Cylons attacked, while reminding us of what this apparent victory has cost.

Then, as some ships make that Earth entry, and they’re flying through the clouds, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, thinking, Okay, we’re here. But when?
Will it be pre-history, and will the Fleet end up being the first humans to populate the planet?
Will it be 2008, and will we suddenly attack the ships, thinking it’s some kind of alien invasion, thus opening up hostilities between Earth and the Fleet, and a new, perhaps even more tragic war, begins?

But when we see Adama pick up that first fistful of earth, and we hear that Geiger counter making that terrible noise, and we see the devastated reactions of all these people we’ve come to love and hate over the course of five years, and we see what at first looks like ancient ruins around them, before it becomes apparent that what we’re looking at are the remains of a bridge, and a city in the distance, we know that the other shoe has most definitely dropped, and we are so not yet at the end of this particular road.

Gods, Moore and Eick (and Thompson and Weddle) are evil.


So, has the Fleet arrived after the planet has already been ruined by humanity’s own raging stupidity?
Or did some other Cylons somehow get to Earth before the Fleet and a war broke out?
Ooooh, where’s that second half?

Getting back to the here and now though, aside from that “jump to Earth” sequence, I think the most potent bits of this episode were those moments when we see the reactions people have to the Secret Cylon reveals.
There’s Adama, of course, but Starbuck’s reaction to Sam’s being a Cylon was also a great Moment that worked without the sturm und drang of the Tigh-is-a-Toaster plot development.
As is sometimes too often the case with BSG, it killed me that we didn’t have enough time in this episode to get a better sense of how characters were reacting to events, particularly the Cylon revelations.
Well, just some more bits to look forward to in the next half of the season. (I’m particularly looking forward to seeing how Adama and Tigh work through this curveball in their friendship.)

Onward to January 16, 2009, eh?


Parting shot: It seems, at the moment, that the series’ final episode has grown to a 2-hour finale, so I’m hereby re-calibrating the countdown.

COUNTDOWN: 11.

(Images courtesy of twitchfilm.net and ew.com.)

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
Season 4 Episode 9
“The Hub”
Written by Jane Espenson
Directed by Paul Edwards
(WARNING: SPOILERS)

Twelve Cylon models
Seven are known
Four live in secret
One will be revealed

So we get to see what became of the damaged base ship and all on board—particularly President Roslin—and it’s a doozy.


It turns out that the Hybrid is panicked, thus her sudden jump (merely the first of several), and it’s revealed shortly that the Hybrid is panicked since she’s detected that Natalie is no longer on-line (if that’s the correct term).
The Eight in the Hybrid’s chamber soon determines that the Hybrid is jumping towards the Resurrection Hub, so the mission still looks like a go.
During each jump though—in the interstice between points in actual physical space—Laura meets the deceased Elosha (I’ve missed her), in an apparently deserted Galactica. She’s then shown that the only people here are the Adamas and Starbuck, gathered around a cancer-ridden Laura on her deathbed.


That alone was such a heart-rending idea: of finding a dying Roslin in an empty Galactica.
Elosha tells her that she doesn’t really love anyone, that she hasn’t, in effect, opened herself up to anyone (a sentiment echoed when Baltar insists that one can communicate with the Hybrid, if one focuses on her, which Roslin seems incapable of doing).
Then, as the Hybrid continues to make repeated jumps, Laura’s tutelage at Elosha’s side unfolds over the course of the episode.


Meanwhile, Helo finds that the Eight in the Hybrid chamber, curious about Athena and her hybrid child, accessed Athena’s memories when she last downloaded. So basically, this Eight has Athena’s memories up to that point, when Helo was forced to shoot her so she could download back to the Cylons, and retrieve Hera.
Later on, there’s some tension between the Galactica pilots and the Cylon pilots, but the pseudo-Athena makes a speech about needing to rely on each other, particularly once the Hub has been destroyed, because at that point, everyone will be in the same boat in the mortality sweepstakes.


Also, Roslin gives Helo express orders to take D’Anna to her (and her alone) once she is retrieved. Helo tries to argue that this isn’t what was agreed upon, and isn’t honest, but Roslin claims that this is about the security of the human race.
Roslin says this is what the Cylons would do, in my place. And Helo counters, No, not all of them. Not the Eights.
Roslin says she can’t afford sentimentality right now, and she can’t afford Helo to be sentimental either (“Captain, you are not married to the entire production line…”).


Over at the Hub, Cavil de-boxes D’Anna himself, telling her of the civil war, and trying to convince her to help end it.
Cavil claims to be uninterested in the identities of the Final Five, as he still firmly believes they aren’t meant to know them.
D’Anna ends up killing Cavil, making Boomer run for the proverbial hills.

The attack on the Hub commences, during which, a number of events take place:

We see the jumping of the dying Pike back to the Fleet (which then of course, led to the Fleet finding the debris of this very battle).


Helo and the pseudo-Athena find D’Anna, taking her back to the base ship.
When they get on board, Helo reveals the change of plans, telling the pseudo-Athena that he may not agree with it, but he’s only following orders.
Disillusioned, pseudo-Athena lets Helo go on his way, with D’Anna.


While preaching/ranting to a Centurion, an explosion wounds Baltar severely, and he’s bleeding heavily when he’s brought to Laura, who tries to attend to his injuries.
Under the morpha haze, Baltar makes mention of his guilt, which has now been lifted from him, by the mercy and love of God. In an amazingly tense scene, Laura asks after the nature of this guilt, and Baltar admits to his culpability in the annihilation of the human race.
Mary McDonnell is amazing here, as she absorbs the shock of what she’s suspected for the longest time: that Baltar is guilty.
Baltar asks her to pray with him, but instead, she undresses the wound and allows it to bleed freely, ignoring Baltar’s pleas.


But the Hybrid jumps again, away from the battle, and Laura is taught one more lesson, as she witnesses her own death, and Adama’s heartbreaking reaction.
Elosha tells Laura that she needs to learn to love, and that even a bad man can feel guilt just as much as a good man. The moment of Laura’s conversion is astounding, as is her desperation when the jump ends and she scrambles to stop Baltar’s bleeding.


Helo arrives with D’Anna, and smartly, acknowledging that she’s the only Three left in the entire universe, uses her knowledge of the Final Five’s identities as leverage for her safety.
She says she won’t divulge the information till she’s safely been transported to the Fleet.
(Though not before a singular fake-out moment of shock as D’Anna makes Laura think that she’s one of the Five. At least, it seems to have been a fake-out. I mean, I was leaning towards Laura being the last, unrevealed Cylon. If it isn’t her, who is? One of the Adamas? Starbuck, after all?)

We then rejoin Adama, on his lone vigil, as the base ship arrives, and the beautiful reunion between Laura and Bill, where Laura finally says, “I love you,” and ol’ Rockface half-jokes, “About time.”


So, great lead-up to the midseason finale, and a big part of why this one works so well is that, unlike Baltar’s conversion, Laura’s feels more genuine, the emotions distinctly more palpable.
And, even though both were presented as arcs that moved through an entire episode, this particular arc seemed more potent, more believable.
I’ll cop to the possibility though that this one works better for me since I’m emotionally invested in Laura and her fate, whereas I still can’t be bothered to give a rat’s a$ about Baltar. (Sorry, Gaius, but as it stands, you’re in better hands with Laura than you are with me…)
And it’s not that I can’t forgive the poor schmuck, but that I still can’t feel any remorse from the sodding bastard. It still feels like he’s leading us on, the way he always has.


Now, it’s not as simple as saying Mary McDonnell is a more genuine performer than James Callis (though I feel an argument could be made for that point).
I think it’s more that Baltar doesn’t seem to be a character made to be sympathetic (at least in the beginning), unlike Laura, who is diagnosed with cancer from the miniseries’ first episode.
But then again, the events of Season 3 made me care for Tigh in a way I’d never have anticipated from BSG’s early days.
Of course, Tigh didn’t cause the deaths of untold millions…
I dunno. I guess I’m still decidedly anti-Gaius.

Oh, and it’s great to see Lucy Lawless back.

COUNTDOWN: 11.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
Season 4 Episode 8
“Sine Qua Non”
Written by Michael Taylor
Directed by Rod Hardy
(WARNING: SPOILERS)

Twelve Cylon models
Seven are known
Four live in secret
One will be revealed

“Because I can’t live without her…”
Aww, man, ol’ Rockface just slays me…
By the gods, if the rest of this season continues to get harder and harder to sit through, I’ll end up a quivering, blubbering, whiny puddle of emotional jello by the time the last R&D closer airs.

So the entire episode passes without us knowing what happened to the base ship after its jump, and more to the point, what happened to Roslin, Baltar, and a whole bunch of Galactica pilots, including Helo.
Meanwhile, chaos and panic ripples throughout the Fleet, with Zarek poised to take over the Presidency. A whole lot of other bits take place in this installment, so let’s take ‘em all on, one bit at a time.


Natalie’s rushed to Doc Cottle, but she expires, while having glimpses of some other, forest-y place…
Athena’s arrested, and there’s a really scary scene with Adama, as he fumes and angrily reminds her that she’s betrayed his trust. He then has her thrown in the brig, and later on, mindful of her claim that the Cylons want to take Hera away from her, has Hera sent to the brig as well, so Athena can be with her. (Not sure that thrilled Hera, though; Daddy gets taken away by a jumpy Hybrid, and I get to roost in jail with murderer Mummy. Oh, the joys of childhood.)
What I don’t get though, is why Athena just doesn’t talk to Caprica about her fears regarding Hera. At least that way, she can figure out whether she’s right about that feeling or not.
Of course, it does seem like Caprica may be the very particular Six that wants to take Hera away from her mum, so maybe Athena should just stay as far away from Caprica as Cylon-ly possible. But now that they’re both in the brig…


And speaking of Caprica Six, to try and find out where the base ship jumped to, Adama has Tigh visit her, a subplot that eventually leads to the reveal that, gasp! Caprica’s preggers! With Tigh’s baby!
Okay, I certainly didn’t see that coming. I honestly thought Tigh’s private time with Caprica was largely chatty therapy as he grappled with the whole, “Frak, I’m a toaster!” thing. Turns out Tigh was doing the nasty often enough to put a little, heh, toaster in the oven…
And doesn’t this also present a new evolutionary development as well? Hera (and Nicky) being the half-human/half-Cylon hybrid, and this baby being, what? A new kind of Cylon?
Anyway, Adama’s really ticked off about this development, and the two friends get into some nasty fisticuffs that demolishes (yet again) Adama’s model ship.
The two make peace later on though…


We are treated to some tantalizing hints as to the fates of Roslin and the missing base ship, when a damaged ship jumps back to the Fleet’s coordinates. The pilot (Pike) is dead, but they trace back the ship’s origin point, where they find the debris of a lot of Vipers, and a base ship.
So while some conjecture that, perhaps, this is the debris from the base ship the President was on, Adama would like to think otherwise.
So ol’ Rockface gets fixated on finding the President, putting the entire Fleet in danger as a result.
Adama is made to realize he’s lost his objectivity though, by Romo Lampkin, of all people. (And we’ll get to why he shows up in this installment in a teeny bit…)
And once Adama realizes that he can no longer put the Fleet at risk, but also cannot stop holding out the hope that Laura is still alive, he surrenders command of Galactica (and the Fleet), to… Toaster Tigh!
Not only that, but he also elects to stay behind in a Raptor, to await Roslin’s return to these coordinates, while the Fleet goes off on its merry way!
Both Tigh and Lee try and dissuade him from these actions, but like the man said, he can’t live without her…
And that’s how the episode ends, as Galactica and the Fleet jump off, leaving Adama in his Raptor, the damaged copy of Searider Falcon in his hands.
But there’s still one more important bit…


Even as Zarek attempts to wrest control of the Presidency, Lee sees that his father will never accept Zarek in the seat, and the whole military/government alliance will just crash and burn, taking the Fleet with it.
So Lee aspires to find another interim President, who can shepherd the Colonial government in Roslin’s absence. (You can see where this is going, can’t you?)
Lee gets Lampkin to help him run through possible candidates, and two things were fairly evident in this subplot: a) this was going to end up, however improbably, with Lee taking on the Presidency; and b) there was an undue amount of focus on Lampkin’s cat.


The first did indeed conclude with Lee ending the episode as interim President Leland Joseph Adama, while the second had a curious reveal of Lampkin’s cat actually being dead.
So Lampkin sort’a goes nutzo since the cat’s the only thing he has left of his wife, and though he’s been seeing the cat up and about (and talking to it, mind), it’s actually been dead and rotting in a bag for weeks.
At any rate, once all other candidates have been found wanting, and Lampkin has winnowed out Lee’s “repressed ambition” towards the Presidency, he also determines that Lee needs to die(!), since he would represent something hopeful for the Fleet, and Lampkin firmly believes there can no longer be any hope for the human race.
So Lampkin is holding Lee at gunpoint, but Lee manages to talk his way out of a life and death situation with a possibly certifiable lunatic, and into the office of the President.
Smooth.
Not bad for Mr. Passive-Aggressive Repressed Ambition.
Oh. Sorry. President Passive-Aggressive Repressed Ambition.
And Lee’s apparently first act as President, hand over New Caprica resistance hero Jake, into Lampkin’s possibly certifiable lunatic care.
Sure, let’s let the poor doggy guide Lampkin back towards mental stability…


Now, the bits that really worked for me had to do with Adama and his reactions and decisions in the wake of Laura’s little jaunt to gods-know-where.
The painful clarity of his love for the woman becomes the core of Bill Adama. This is, after all, the woman who taught him of hope, and faith.
So he stays, floating in the middle of nowhere space, her favourite book in his hands, while the Fleet leaves him behind, so he can wait for her to return.


The bits I’m not entirely sold on, were the ones involved in the “let’s make Lee president” subplot. The whole “Lampkin’s cat is dead” thing just seemed a bit too contrived, and like I said, Lee sliding his way into the President’s seat seemed vaguely improbable.
In the wake of it, I just didn’t get the sense that the Old Man was proud of his son’s achievement. (Then again, he was worried about Laura…)
Having said that, it does put a new spin on things, and I am curious to see where the writers take this. Will Lee turn out to be the President the whole Fleet’s been waiting for? Is this his true calling? Or will this—as we’ve seen sometimes happen before where Lee is concerned—all end in tears?
And with Tigh steering the Galactica now, well…

Having mentioned Tigh, I’m also intensely curious where the “Tigh as expectant Toaster father” subplot goes.
And what’s to happen to Hera? I really hope Athena gets to keep her. I certainly don’t condone what she did to poor Natalie, but Athena’s gone through too much to have Hera get taken from her because of some visions.

Crap. Mid-season break’s looming.

COUNTDOWN: 12.

LOST
Season 4 Episodes 13 & 14
“There’s No Place Like Home” (Parts Two and Three)
Written by Damon Lindelof & Carlton Cuse
Directed by Jack Bender
(WARNING: SPOILERS)

Given the density of events (and resultant chaotic emotions left in those events’ wakes) in this season’s 2-hour finale, I opted to break this into 2 parts, if only to make it a more manageable read.

[1 of 2]

Okay. So the “Frozen Donkey Wheel” has been revealed to the world, and we now know who emerged on the top of the Casket Candidate List (my top three: Michael, Ben, or Locke).
Given the density of events in this season’s 2-hour finale, you’ll perhaps understand if I may inadvertently leave some bit or other out.
Hopefully though, senility won’t get too much of an upper hand…
Into the breach then…


Wondrously, majestically, that spectacular final moment from last season’s finale, comes all the way around the past dozen episodes, and segues into the opening moments of this season’s finale, as Kate actually stops the car in response to Beardo Jack’s plea of returning to the Island.
They have another heart-wrenching conversation, which firmly establishes that it’s been three years since they got off the Island, and that, no way is Kate ever going back there.
Ever.

Now, I’ll have to break protocol and leave off from the flashforward for the moment, and take on the Island goings-on first.

Zodiac Daniel returns to the Beach for the second group to be ferried to the Kahana, and he tells Miles and Charlotte that they should both be on the Zodiac when this trip leaves.
Miles though, opts to stay on the Island (hmmmm…), and is actually surprised that Charlotte seems to be willing to leave the Island as well, considering how hard she’s worked to “get back here” (double hmmmm…).
True enough, when Daniel asks Charlotte again, she says she’s staying, and says something about not yet having found the place where she was born (triple hmmmm…).
So Daniel reluctantly leaves Charlotte, and when Juliet says she’s staying too, since she promised she wouldn’t leave till everyone was safe (did she? I can’t recall that… Go, Ju-Ju! Go!! Can’t you see that look Daniel has? And Daniel, you moron! Tell her!!! Graaarrr!!!!)
So Idiot Zodiac Daniel zooms off…


Meanwhile, Richard and the Others finding Kate and Sayid last episode turns out to be a gambit to rescue Ben.
Even as Keamy is bringing Ben back to the helicopter, where they find Frank still trying to break out of the handcuffs, Kate runs into the clearing, supposedly escaping the Others’ clutches.
The mercenaries fan out into the jungle, but it’s a trap, of course, and they’re picked off one by one, as Kate and Ben scamper off into the jungle, Keamy in hot pursuit. Keamy’s then tackled by Sayid, and a brutal tussle kicks in. It looks like Keamy’s gonna break Sayid’s neck, when Keamy’s shot in the back (by Richard, if I recall correctly).
He’s apparently dead. (Riiiiiighhhht.)
Ben asks what the arrangement was, and Richard says, They help us, and we let them get off the Island.
Ben says, Fair enough. Take the helicopter.


Meanwhile, Jack and Sawyer find Hurley (relieving himself, if I’m not mistaken).
Locke (who can’t find the damned flower Ben mentioned) then attempts to draw Jack into a conversation, to try and convince him that he’s not supposed to leave the Island.
Doc Obsesso doesn’t listen, of course.
Locke, seeing that he can’t change Jack’s mind, makes the plea for the Great Lie, so as to protect the Island. Doc Obsesso scoffs, It’s an island. It doesn’t need to be protected.
Locke says, It’s not an Island. It’s a place where miracles happen.
Naturally, Doc Obsesso claims there are no such things as miracles (despite having gotten his future ex-wife-to-be to walk again, when all indications pointed to the fact that he’d failed to help her)…
Jack is just leaving, when Ben returns. Ben then tells Jack about Kate and Sayid being at the helicopter, and that he should leave if he still intends to.
Jack watches as Ben and Locke get into an elevator and descend into the real Orchid Station.


Jack, Sawyer, and Hurley reach the helicopter, and even as they’re all getting aboard, I’m thinking, So what’s gonna happen to Sawyer (since he isn’t part of the Oceanic Six)?!
And when Hurley asks Jack if they’re coming back to look for Claire, and Jack says, Sure, I’m also thinking, Damn you, Desmond! Where’s your Claire and Aaron getting on a helicopter flash?! Damn you, Lindelof and Cuse! Where’s that flaaaassssshhhh?!?
The answer to the Sawyer question comes soon enough though, as it appears a bullet hit the helicopter and they’re leaking fuel, so if they don’t land soon, they go ker-splash.
Needing to lighten the load, so they can get to the freighter faster, everything that isn’t bolted down gets tossed into the ocean, including… Sawyer!
Actually, when Frank says he’ll be happier if they lose another 200 pounds, there’s a sad shot of Hurley (who’s probably having a traumatic flashback to the whole “dock collapse-due-to-my-weight” thing), before Sawyer whispers something in Kate’s ear (presumably the favour she attends to later on, presumably involving Cassidy and Sawyer’s daughter), liplocks with Kate (which Jack sees with his own Obsesso eyes), then jumps out of the helicopter!
Jack promises they’ll send the helicopter back to look for Sawyer once they’re safely on the freighter. (Riiiiiighhhht.)


Meanwhile, back on the freighter, where it’s supposed to be safe (damn you, Lindelof and Cuse!), Des, Michael, and Jin try and figure out how to stop the C4 from going ka-blooey.
Even as Des (who had some six months’ experience with explosives during his military stint) determines that the C4 will go ka-blooey when some device or other receives a radio signal, Michael figures they can freeze the battery with liquid nitrogen to prevent—or at the very least, slow—the chemical reaction that will trigger the ka-blooey-ness.
(Guessing though that that thingy on Keamy’s arm is what’s supposed to trigger the ka-blooey-ness, why hasn’t the freighter blown sky high yet? Because Sun and Aaron are still on it! Which also means that Keamy’s still alive, despite those bullets to the back…)


And, true enough, who should take the down elevator to the Orchid, but Keamy and his body armor!
But first, Locke is shown the initial portion of the Orchid Orientation video, which seems to indicate that, as Ben succinctly puts it, “time-traveling bunnies” are indeed possible! (Thus, we have confirmation that there is actual physical time-traveling going on in the Lost-verse.)
According to the video, “The Vault” (built adjacent to a “pocket of negatively-charged exotic matter,” where the subject meant to do the time-traveling is to be placed) is also supposed to be kept clear of any metallic objects, but even as Locke is learning this, Ben the Busy Bug-Eyed Bee is placing everything metallic that he can find in the station, into the Vault!
Which is when Keamy arrives.
There’s a conversation, and a scuffle, and when Keamy unwisely goads Ben about Alex’s death, Ben goes postal and stabs the baddie… despite Keamy already having explained about the dead man’s trigger on his arm, and the freighter’s instant ka-blooey-ness, should his heart stop beating.
Locke tries to save the schmuck’s life (so as to prevent the freighter instantly going ka-blooey), but he fails…

… Keamy croaks…


… and back at the Kahana, the light goes red, giving them all about 5 minutes to get off it before the impending ka-blooey.
So Michael valiantly stays to continue freezing the battery to slow the chemical reaction. He tells Des and Jin to go, though Jin stays by Michael’s side.
Even as Des gets to the upper deck, the helicopter comes in, needing to land badly, to refuel.
In the few short minutes of the helicopter actually being on the freighter’s deck, they do their best to plug the bullet hole, pump as much fuel in as they can, and scramble back on board the helicopter.
Below deck, Michael runs out of insta-freeze, and tells Jin, Go, you’re a father now. Take care of your wife and baby, so Jin takes off for the upper deck.
Meanwhile, Sun wants to go below deck to get Jin, but Kate tells her, I’ll go, you take Aaron to the helicopter.
But Jack grabs Kate and says, I’m not leaving without you, and drags her back to the helicopter.
Frank takes off, the Oceanic Six and Des on-board (and I’m thinking, Oh no, what happens to Des?), even as Jin makes it onto the deck, and Sun’s screaming to go back for Jin, and Christian appears to Michael and dismisses him (“You can go now, Michael”), and the Kahana goes ka-blooey.
And poor Sun just keeps on screaming, till Jack tells her, He’s gone, and I’m thinking, Oh no, Sun’ll never forgive him…


So the freighter goes ka-blooey, taking Michael with it (he was right next to the C4, right? This also effectively takes him off the Casket Candidate List…), along with all the poor sock puppets ferried there to their doom by Idiot Zodiac Daniel.
As for Jin, he could have conceivably been blown off the freighter by the explosion, or am I being hideously naïve here?

Back on the beach, Sawyer rises from the sea, shirtless now (and a host of female Lost fans shriek with mad glee), to find Ju-Ju getting sloshed on Dharma rum.
So what are we celebrating? he asks.
I’m not celebrating, Ju-Ju replies, pointing to the column of smoke out at sea.
Our boat? Sawyer asks.
It was, says poor, poor Ju-Ju, who has, yet again missed her chance to get off the Island…

COUNTDOWN: 35.

(Lost OS courtesy of impawards.com.)

PUSHING DAISIES
Season 2 Episode 1
“Bzzzzzzz!”
Written by Bryan Fuller
Directed by Adam Kane
(WARNING: SPOILERS)

Well, this one had its moments, and a bunch of welcome guest spots: French Stewart as Wolsey Nicholls, intent on taking over Betty’s BeesTM; Autumn Reeser as the rather unlucky Number One Bee Girl of Betty’s BeesTM, Kentucky Fitts, who’s the main corpus dilecti of the episode; and Diana Scarwid (yay!) as, not just any nun, but the Mother Superior herself.


Sadly, Scarwid is part of the subplot that I’m having trouble with: for some reason best known to the show’s writers, Olive has been sent off to a nunnery by Lily, the very same nunnery where she brought Chuck to term, because of the secret she’s privy to: that Chuck is in fact, Lily’s daughter, a secret that would kill Vivian, as she was actually engaged to Chuck’s father when the affair took place.
Sure, the nun costumes are cool and kooky, and Pigby has his own certain charm, but I’m dubious about the whole thread and wondering where they plan to take it and what its raison d’etre is.


At any rate, it’s great to have Pushing Daisies back, and to see Adam Kane at the helm again.
They also at least seem to be kicking up Emerson’s lost daughter subplot, so that’s a plus, as Chi McBride rules.
I mean, Steven Harper to Emerson Cod.
Who knew?

(Images courtesy of ABC, avclub.com, and destinything.com.)

THE MIDDLEMAN
Season 1 Episode 6
“The Boy-Band Superfan Interrogation”
Written by Jordan Rosenberg
Directed by Norman Buckley


“Wow, there really is a hole in space.”
“With a duck caught inside.”

Ah, now this is my favourite episode thus far.
Yes, the Dub Dub personal life subplot (Pip copies Wendy’s paintings and passes them off as his own) doesn’t mesh very well with the main MiddlePlot, but this one’s got some killer lines, hilarious moments, the fate of the world—and Ida—in the balance, and, oh yes, boy bands…


“How could you be alive and not know Varsity Fanclub, Dub Dub?”
“How can you know Varsity Fanclub and not want to end it all?”

Varsity Fanclub (“… only the most popular boy band in the world!”), comprised of “Jake the crooner, Thomas the heartthrob, Bobby the street tough, Drew the charmer, and the requisite man of mystery, David,” are at the heart of this episode’s MiddlePlot, and it’s a hoot and a half.
I won’t get into the deets (as Pip would put it), but suffice it to say that not only does the episode maybe-reference SF TV series V, it also most definitely references A New Hope and George Lucas.


“But I’ve always been fascinated by the ability of pre-assembled sets of sub-masculine archetypes to tug at the heartstrings of a 12- to 17-year-old fan base.”
“Funny, I’ve always been fascinated by their ability to bring up my lunch.”

Granted, the subplot does seem rather removed from the MiddlePlot, but it does contain some thoughts on art and artists, which racks up some more points for this one.
Still and all, the star here is Jordan Rosenberg’s sinisterly laughable take on pre-packaged popular music, and how the fate of the world may very well lie in the hands of the tween set.
Be afraid.
Be very afraid.

“Only tween-age screams of ecstasy have the strength to cut a hole in space itself! How could I not see it before?”

Parting shot: Just as Ali Damji owned his scene in “The Flying Fish Zombification,” Alan Smyth’s High Aldwin, Supreme Commander of the Clotharian Rebel Fleet just slays…


Parting shot 2: Jordan Rosenberg is, like the mighty monster that is Gree-Joe Marks-Watch, also a Lost alum; Rosenberg co-wrote Season 3’s “Par Avion” with Christina M. Kim.

(Images courtesy of abcfamily.go.com and themiddleblog.livejournal.com.)