¡QUÉ HORROR! 2019

Candidate #1

INTO THE DARK

Season 1 Episode 1
THE BODY
(October 2018)

“Yeah, the one that was dressed as, ummm… uhhh… uhhh… Elsa from Frozen?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow! Marie Antoinette, you dipshit! Do you know anything about anything that’s not been made into an action figure?”
“I’m so sorry, Professor. I’m not an expert in Civil War history, okay?”

(Clears throat.)

“It has begun!” he exclaims in his best Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa*-as-Shang Tsung tones.

¡Qué horror! 2019.

And it begins here.

With Into the Dark.

In case you haven’t heard, Into the Dark is the latest horror anthology to hit the scene.

Brought to us by the unholy (but very, very welcome) alliance of Hulu and Blumhouse, what makes Into the Dark different from all the other horror anthologies out there is its structure: it isn’t one story told in serialized form over x number of episodes, but rather, a dozen distinct horror features brought to us over the course of a season.

And they’ve decided to kick off with Paul Davis’ The Body.

“I still can’t believe it’s him.”

“I know. Doesn’t he have like, 20 million Twitter followers?”

“Well… Not anymore.”

Based on his short of the same name, The Body follows a cultured and exacting hitman (Jekyll & Hyde’s Tom Bateman), who’s unfortunately inconvenienced on Halloween night, disrupting his plans of transporting the titular body of his latest victim (an apparently “famous person”) as part of his deal with his client.

Cue horror-comedy shenanigans.

“This is what death looks like, boy.”

But don’t let the word “comedy” fool you.

The Body is still very much a horror film. It just so happens to have some funny lines and some blackly comic situations baked into it.

With brief appearances by Sasha Grey and John Landis** (the Landis connection presumably stemming from Davis’ direction of the Beware the Moon: Remembering ‘An American Werewolf in London’ documentary), The Body’s a great way to kick off the Candidates list for ¡Qué horror! 2019, and if you’ve already checked out the 2018 rundown, then move smoothly onto this title for some awesome Halloween viewing.

“And why couldn’t he just kill like, Elijah Wood or someone small?”

* Who, incidentally enough, plays my hands-down favorite character on The Man in the High Castle, Trade Minister Tagomi.

** Interestingly, Landis’ An American Werewolf in London is a great example of the horror-comedy hybrid.

Parting Shot: Into the Dark presents me with an interesting conundrum. It’s a television series (or, well, “web television”) whose episodes are feature films.

So, in light of the ¡Qué horror! set-up, here’s how I’m planning to solve the conundrum:

I’m going to consider each episode as a feature film, so Into the Dark doesn’t potentially hog the TV Horror slot (since it’s going to have a dozen separate titles vying for that slot, as opposed to any other TV series, which faces the tricky and difficult task of having all the episodes in any particular season tie up into a single solid horror experience).

Considering Into the Dark as “television” here wouldn’t be fair to the other TV horror shows…

(Into the Dark: The Body OS courtesy of impawards.com.)

¡QUÉ HORROR! 2017

Candidate #2

CHANNEL ZERO: CANDLE COVE

(October 2016)

"Do 'ya sense it?

"Something is coming.
"A strange vessel headed for the cove…”

What do you get when you take alumni from Twin Peaks (Harley Peyton) and Hannibal (Nick Antosca), and the son of noted director John Landis (Max), toss them into a wild, creatively horrific blender, then sprinkle the goo that’s left onto a heap of steaming Creepypasta?

You get the highly unsettling Channel Zero: Candle Cove.

This is the kind of TV horror we desperately need, the kind that never forgets that horror isn’t just about jump scares and on-screen gore; that it’s also about tone and atmosphere.

Craig William Macneill (who directed all six episodes) certainly understands this, and now, based on what I saw on Candle Cove, I feel the need to check out his feature, The Boy (the one with David Morse and Rainn Wilson).

This is the first time the post-BSG SyFy has come up with a winner of this caliber. (The fact that Channel Zero isn’t even science fiction, but a horror anthology,  is another conversation entirely.)

So looking forward to Season 2, based on “The No-End House.”

“A fire needs fuel.

“Power demands sacrifice.

“I made mine a long time ago.”

(Channel Zero OS courtesy of impawards.com.)

¡QUÉ HORROR! 2016

Candidate #1

TALES OF HALLOWEEN

(July 2015)

"Do you know what would perk up this candy-ass display?

“Some motherf*ckin’ blood!”

With ten stories in its 97-minute running time, The October Society’s Tales of Halloween has a pretty darn good batting average for a horror anthology, in that--at least as far as I’m concerned--there really isn’t any segment in here that’s a particular stinker.

Naturally, you will like some stories more than others, but it’s a pretty good bet that you’ll come out of this thinking, “Sh!t, yeah, that was fun!”

And that’s what Tales of Halloween is, really.

From the “SNL sketch as directed by old school splatter Peter Jackson” insanity of Mike Mendez’s “Friday the 31^st” to the stylized horror of Lucky McKee’s “Ding Dong” (with Pollyanna McIntosh!), from the blackly comedic commentary of the ultimately pointless debate between old school horror and the more modern black metal splatterpunk aesthetic in John Skipp and Andrew Kasch’s “This Means War” (with James Duval!) to the bizarro horror of Neil Marshall’s “Bad Seed” (with Pat Healy as “Forensic Bob”!), Tales of Halloween is some awesomely fun Halloween horror viewing.

“Are you kidding me?! My nuts were viciously assaulted by a monster, dude!”

Plus, there’s a whole bunch of familiar genre faces in here, including Greg Grunberg, Lin Shaye, Noah Segan, Sam Witwer, John Landis, Adam Green, and Joe Dante.

Alex Essoe (from ¡Qué horror! 2015 title, Starry Eyes) and Drew Struzan (as “Rembrandt”) are in here, too, along with Adrienne Barbeau, who basically echoes her Stevie Wayne character from The Fog as the very loose bridging element of “The Radio DJ”.

Originating from an idea by Axelle Carolyn (who also happens to be Neil Marshall’s wife), Tales of Halloween is a mighty fine addition to the ranks of horror anthologies out there.

So be sure and stuff this one into your Halloween candy sack!

“Go bag me some of those horror freaks!”

Parting Shot: The film is dedicated to the memory of Ben Woolf, who recently appeared as Meep in American Horror Story: Freak Show.

(Tales of Halloween OS’ courtesy of aintitcool.com & bloody-disgusting.com.)

FEAR ITSELF
Season 1 Episode 4
“In Sickness and In Health”
Written by Victor Salva
Directed by John Landis

The person you are marrying is a serial killer.


That’s what a typewritten note received by Samantha (Psych’s Maggie Lawson) reads, on her wedding day.
And though the premise does sound like some cheesy thriller by way of Lifetime, this was an episode brought to us by the tag team of Victor Salva (Jeepers Creepers) and John Landis (An American Werewolf In London).
With that sort of pedigree alone, this was high on my radar, and ultimately, I can appreciate the attempt, but am nonetheless disappointed with this particular union.


To begin with, though not as pronounced as it was in American Werewolf, that brand of Landis humour can still be detected in “In Sickness…”, and it’s an element that doesn’t quite benefit the episode’s set-up and action, much of which occurs in a dark, creaky church.
The thrills aren’t really there as well, and the overkill with the religious iconography—statuary and stained glass windows seem ubiquitous in this one—frankly gets annoying, as if Landis had nothing else to train his camera on. (Though they may perhaps be meant to foreshadow some gruesome climactic imagery, their repetitiveness just seems lazy and uninspired.)
The casting of Lawson’s co-star on Psych (and the USA Network show’s lead) James Roday as Samantha’s husband-to-be, Carlos, also serves to distract, as his portrayal of over-the-top fake psychic detective Shawn Spencer is a difficult shadow to shake; I don’t think I’d ever mentally equate the actor who plays Shawn Spencer with a groom and possible serial killer named “Carlos.”


And as far as Salva’s script goes, though I did note the narrative eventuality as soon as it was mentioned early on in the proceedings, I will nonetheless commend the script for the passably effective climactic twist.
The red herrings though, seem, in retrospect, to be desperate stabs at keeping the audience guessing.


There are some pluses, mind.
The stunt casting of Cancer Man himself, William B. Davis, as the hard-of-hearing Fr. Chris, is amusing, and the Hitchcock echo is also neatly slotted in.
And this is better than Landis’ earlier Masters of Horror entry, “Deer Woman,” so that’s something.
If however, you’re hard-pressed to see some truly worthwhile stuff from either Salva or Landis, you’d be better served by watching either Jeepers Creepers (just the first; you can skip the sequel) or An American Werewolf In London (not to be confused with the terrible sorta-sequel, Anthony Waller’s An American Werewolf In Paris).

(Images courtesy of nbc.com.)

MASTERS

OF HORROR

Season 2

Episode 2

“Family”
Written by Brent Hanley; directed by John Landis

Harold Thompson (Cheers’ George Wendt, who is reportedly appearing as the Vice President of the United States in the upcoming House of Re-Animator*) has some new neighbors. But what David (The Last Days of Disco’s Matt Keeslar) and Celia (Dawson’s Creek’s Meredith Monroe) apparently don’t know is that George has a terrible secret, one that could prove fatal for them all.
Landis (perhaps best known for his landmark horror film, An American Werewolf in London) handles this story very well, showing us some interesting parallels regarding George: just as the bland suburban façade of his home hides a gruesome truth, so is there a psychotic insanity that lurks behind his apparently harmless exterior.
That theme is then expanded upon with a third, initially undisclosed truth which only surfaces in the film’s final act.

But, despite “Family” being one of the better episodes of the second season (certainly better than the season opener, “The Damned Thing”), it does have its share of hiccups, among them, a number of scenes which border on pure audience misdirection, scenes which may seem a bit illogical, in light of the third act revelation. They aren’t blatantly manipulative, mind you, but they do skirt a questionable area.
Given that though, the episode is still bolstered by Wendt’s creepy Harold, and Monroe gets to spout some choice lines she would never have uttered on the Creek.
It’s also written by Brent Hanley, who penned the script for the excellent American Gothic horror film (and Bill Paxton’s directorial debut), Frailty.

* William H. Macy’s the President!

(Family DVD cover art courtesy of anchorbayentertainment.com.)

(Originally posted 031107.)

MASTERS OF HORROR Season 2 Episodes 1 & 2

“The Damned Thing”
Teleplay by Richard Christian Matheson; based on the short story by Ambrose Bierce; directed by Tobe Hooper

Sheriff Kevin Reddle (Powder’s Sean Patrick Flanery, though perhaps more widely seen as TV’s Young Indiana Jones) is the law in the small town of Cloverdale, suddenly faced with the recurrence of a terror that struck 24 years ago, turning his loving father into a homicidal maniac and leaving him an orphan.
As it turns out, the titular “damned thing” is intimately connected to the Reddle family, unleashed by the Sheriff’s grandfather, a primordial entity whose coming is accompanied by flurries of violence and mayhem, perpetrated by otherwise normal everyday people.

Though “The Damned Thing” is by no means a terrible film, it still doesn’t get far beyond stretches of quiet character moments, punctuated by instances of explosive gore and bloodletting. And though director Hooper takes his time with the characters—as he did on Poltergeist—what we do see of them doesn’t make us sympathize with them enough to really care about the outcome of the story. (It is a kick though to see Sam’s brother, Ted Raimi, as Father Tulli.)
And not only is the big CGI reveal of “the damned thing” a bit of a letdown, the story’s ending also serves as a big “So what?” to cap off this season’s not-so-grand opening.

“Family”
Written by Brent Hanley; directed by John Landis

Harold Thompson (Cheers’ George Wendt, who is reportedly appearing as the Vice President of the United States in the upcoming House of Re-Animator*) has some new neighbors. But what David (The Last Days of Disco’s Matt Keeslar) and Celia (Dawson’s Creek’s Meredith Monroe) apparently don’t know is that George has a terrible secret, one that could prove fatal for them all.
Landis (perhaps best known for his landmark horror film, An American Werewolf in London) handles this story very well, showing us some interesting parallels regarding George: just as the bland suburban façade of his home hides a gruesome truth, so is there a psychotic insanity that lurks behind his apparently harmless exterior.
That theme is then expanded upon with a third, initially undisclosed truth which only surfaces in the film’s final act.

But, despite “Family” being one of the better episodes of the second season (certainly better than the season opener, “The Damned Thing”), it does have its share of hiccups, among them, a number of scenes which border on pure audience misdirection, scenes which may seem a bit illogical, in light of the third act revelation. They aren’t blatantly manipulative, mind you, but they do skirt a questionable area.
Given that though, the episode is still bolstered by Wendt’s creepy Harold, and Monroe gets to spout some choice lines she would never have uttered on the Creek.
It’s also written by Brent Hanley, who penned the script for the excellent American Gothic horror film (and Bill Paxton’s directorial debut), Frailty.

* William H. Macy’s the President!