ON THE LOT
Episode 16
The Finale

Fourteen weeks and here we are.
So Will the Family Man drives off to the gates of Dreamworks, where Steven Spielberg waits with the keys to his new office.
Yes, that final scene may have smacked of anti-climax (these guys really don't know how to play up the drama), but the idea was nonetheless wicked. I mean, this is Steven Spielberg, who directed great stuff we grew up on. Will’s just been let into that great big sandbox to play with the big kids. How sweet is that? (I just hope Will’s got some shark repellent, `cause that sandbox ain’t exactly the safest place on Earth.)
At this point, I’m really curious what film Will is gonna make with that $1 million development deal.
And hey, Adam. I’m waiting to see your stuff too, dude.

Now, curious thing: Adrianna kept on stressing “winner of On The Lot 2007,” as if we could look forward to another season of OtL. Considering the show’s low ratings, I honestly thought this would be it. And who knows, maybe it is.
But if they do come back for more, I say, “Bring it on.”

I mean, this is honestly a good idea in theory. Considering there’s that new breed of bland A-list directors are out there at the moment, it’s good to get fresh blood out to La-La Land, and over the course of a season, you can get to see just how creative these young turks can get.
Of course, in the end, the winner is crowned by popular vote, so you could still get the safest, most conventional director of the lot, but still, all the other contestants get their stuff out on national television and hopefully, can attract the eye of other Hollywood bigwigs.
And no matter who wins, the votes will always come in handy. At the very least, Dreamworks can tell which contestants have got the public’s eye. The votes are also a good barometer of what the public likes to see. If, for example, the number of votes were highest during, say, Horror Night, then it could be safe to say people want to see scary sh!t in the multiplexes. So it’s a reality show and market research all in one go.

A sophomore season could also be a chance for the production crew behind the show to get it right. Even for those who stuck with OtL from start to finish (like yours truly), I think it’s an accepted fact that the show itself has got a lot of room for improvement.

Well, it’s been an interesting ride, and at the very least, the show gave me a number of new names to watch out for.
Let’s see if Will can deliver…

(Contestant image courtesy of thelot.com.)

ON THE LOT
Episode 15
The Final Three

Sam. Dude.
Like Andrew and Zach, I’ll be keeping my eye out for you.
And “Replication Theory” still rocks.

So we’ve got the Final Three, and for that crucial final vote, they each chose two shorts from everything they’ve directed for the show: Jason chose “Eternal Waters” and “Sweet,” Will chose “Glass Eye” and “The Yes Men,” and Adam chose “Dough: The Musical” and “Army Guy.” (See my past reviews in the Archive for my reactions to them after their first runs.)
For those of you who’ve been following my reviews of the show’s shorts, you’ll know that I’m rooting for two of these guys, but based on the choices tonight, Adam takes the cake, since both his picks were Favorites of mine during their respective premieres (and “Dough” is pretty much a stand-out from the entire competition).
But of course, what do I know?
I mean, Jason’s got that whole country boy thing going, and Will’s the family man. (And let’s face it, in these sort of reality competition shows, image and personality count too.) It really is anyone’s ball game, and next week should prove interesting.

(Contestant images courtesy of thelot.com.)

ON THE LOT
Episode 14
America’s Choice

Wow. Second nasty On The Lot surprise in as many weeks.
Zach. That is such a bummer. The guy I thought was a shoo-in for Final Three. Zach was like the Hiro of On The Lot, you know? The one who seemed the most enthusiastic and excited about the whole prospect of working with Spielberg at Dreamworks.
In retrospect, I think Zach just sort of stumbled badly with that one-two “Bonus Feature” fiasco. I’m almost sorry I pointed out the whole sequel/pirates thing last week.
Crap. Well, Spielberg better be watching his own show, and can spot the creativity in Mr. Lipovsky, or some other movie mogul is gonna swoop in and take him under their wing.
Zach, I’ll be watching for you, dude.

So tonight’s shorts all took off from the logline, a man wakes up in a dress, and can’t remember the night before.

MY FAVORITE: Adam Stein’s “Army Guy”
Sgt. Joe wakes up in a dress, and is constantly accosted by Candy, who wants to marry him, but Joe’s too busy tracking down the Russian scoundrel Dmitri, who also apparently has a thing for girly clothes…
Hands down the most ambitious short tonight, and the clear winner (all three judges thought so too). Though the reveal wasn’t really a surprise, and the film does owe a lot to Joe Dante (recalling Small Soldiers and Dante’s “It’s a Good Life“ segment from Twilight Zone: The Movie), Adam still delivers a good, solid, and fun piece.

Will Bigham’s “The Yes Men”
The big boss wakes up in his office in a dress, and all the lackies and the sycophants take note.
A great, absurd look at the working environment and just how far people are willing to go to get ahead, Will’s entry is the only short to pretty much sidestep the “why” of the dress and focus on the effects of it on the characters around it (as opposed to the character in it).

Sam Friedlander’s “Dress For Success”
A lecherous, chauvinist boss is taught a lesson by three female employees.
The short starts out good, with some Saw overtones, but stumbles into 9 to 5 territory, diluting the entire affair. (Guest judge F. Gary Gray rightly points out that the two tones don’t quite mesh.)
The punchline was okay though, and was quite possibly the reason why it played better for me than Jason’s short…

MY LEAST FAVORITE: Jason Epperson’s “Oh, Boy.”
A man wakes up in a dress on a suburban lawn, with explosives strapped to his waist. He’s then ordered to do ridiculous things, or else, boom.
Again, Jason doesn’t do it for me, and the ending he delivers (the best of a dozen, or so he claims) just plays like one of those hokey Hollywood, Hey, look! No one got hurt and no one died in this movie (even if, by all rights, they should have) endings.

So these are the shorts that are gonna determine who the Final Three are, and if past experience has taught me anything (just look at last week’s results), Jason will slide into Final Three like a greased pig.
So… I don’t really want to think about who’s going home next. Let’s just all be surprised next week.

As I mentioned above, tonight’s guest judge was F. Gary Gray, who brought us Friday, The Italian Job, and The Negotiator. Of that sampling of Gray’s work, I’ve only seen The Italian Job, which was one of those okay Hollywood heist films. You know, popcorn entertainment. But hey, at least Gray comes across a lot better than Michael Bay does.

Next week: Final Three.

(Contestant image courtesy of thelot.com; F. Gary Gray image courtesy of dga.org.)

ON THE LOT
Episode 10
“When Two Worlds Collide”

Shira-Lee goes home, and that’s too bad, as I did like the nursery scene from “Open House.”
And that’s not the only bit of bad news Adrianna brings to the contestants. It seems that from this batch of five directors, the two with the least number of votes get eliminated. Suddenly, the odds are ramped up against the contestants, and no one can afford a misfire at this stage of the game.
So, without further ado…

MY FAVORITE: Adam Stein’s “Worldly Possession”
Though the idea of a top secret military weapon getting mistakenly sent to suburbia was one of the loglines from the very first OTL episode, Adam makes the most of the idea, as a materialistic couple get their just desserts. (The punchline however, does wipe out the entire neighborhood as well…)

Will Bigham’s “Spaghetti”
A couple get lost on the road and end up in the middle of a spaghetti Western.
Will finally breaks out whole sentences of dialogue and makes this a fun little homage to the genre.

Zach Lipovsky’s “Time Upon A Once”
The new neighbours move in, but there’s something decidedly odd about them…
Again, the logistics and technical aspects of his short are impressive, but just as Carrie Fisher pointed out, Zach’s set his own bar so high, that even a good entry like this one suffers in comparison to his past work.
And I wouldn’t have minded subtitles, ala Twin Peaks.

Shalini Kantayya’s “First Sight”
A shallow and self-involved young woman has a shocking epiphany at a street fair.
Though I didn’t have as much of a problem with this one as Carrie Fisher and guest judge Luke Greenfield did, it did still lack some “Oooomphh.”
And the visual effects that turn Baba (I believe his name was) into a ball of light were so Charmed, it hurt…

MY LEAST FAVORITE: Hilary Graham’s “The Legend of Donkey-Tail Willie”
An interesting fable set in the Wild West, where true love can be found, no matter the particular circumstance of one’s physicality.
It’s ironic that this is definitely Hilary’s best work to date, and this week, it’s my Least Favorite.
I just really didn’t feel Willie’s predicament as much as I should’ve. And there wasn’t any sense of genuine conflict on our way to that happy ending.

This week’s guest judge was Luke Greenfield, who directed The Animal and The Girl Next Door, neither of which I’ve actually seen, so I don’t have anything really to say about the guy.
So I won’t.

Next week’s gonna be interesting (it’s Action Night) and tough, as two directors are going home… And the week after that, two more go home…
Things are getting down to the wire.

(Contestant image courtesy of thelot.com; Luke Greenfield image courtesy of ryanpinkston.com.)

ON THE LOT
Film Premiere 2

The rules for this batch of short films: write, shoot, and edit a short film with a running time of not more than 3 minutes, in 5 days.
Now, for some reason, the show decides that they’ll be pitting five of the remaining 15 directors against each other, and the one whose film scores the lowest numbers of votes from the audience, goes home next week. I’m curious to know though how the five directors were determined, or was it all totally random (which somehow, I don’t think is the case, ‘cause if it were random, they could’ve just pulled names out of a hat right then and there).

Anyway, with a field of five, I’m choosing to forego my usual alphabetical rundown of the short films that comprised my middle pack (neither my favorites nor my un-favorites) and cruise through the five films, going from my favorite to my un-favorite.
So without further ado…

MY FAVORITE: Adam Stein’s “Dough: The Musical”
An inspired and delightful tale of a baker searching for a woman to wed, and a girl searching for a job to pay the rent.
Not only does Stein display his songwriting skills (always good to wear a lot of hats in Hollywood), but he’s got some interesting wordplay with the title going, to reflect how two people looking for two entirely different things can come together and discover mutual satisfaction.
This one’s funny and heartfelt, and if I have one complaint, it’s that the actors’ lipsynching skills aren’t completely convincing. (I’m a lipsynching stickler, sue me.)

Sam Friedlander’s “Broken Pipe Dreams”
Ingenious short about a man with a toilet bowl trauma (see it to believe it) losing an engagement ring to the porcelain god.
After getting me solidly in his camp with one of my favorites last week (“Replication Theory”), Friedlander has fun with Mission: Impossible and moves the audience with the apparent death of a fish. I can safely say I’ve never spent any previous 3 minutes of my life quite like this.

Shalini Kantayya’s “Laughing Out Loud: A Comic Journey”
The life of a gay Hindu stand-up comic, just before he has his first big show.
This one was the only short film of the batch that tended more towards the dramatic than the comedic, though it does play like a confessional camera piece, and the final advice, “Be yourself” is sort of really Hallmark-y and trite. (Carrie Fisher said it a lot more nicely and without the snarky tone.)
Of the five, this was also the one that looked most like a music video/advertisement, thus gaining guest judge Michael Bay’s vote.
It was moving though…

Trever James’ “Teri”
Another funny blind date short, this one is passably entertaining, till we get to the end.
While Kantayya’s effort had an ending we’d pretty much seen before, “Teri” has sort of a non-ending, as all Ben’s nightmares about his blind date evaporate into the aether when the nice-looking, normal Teri shows up at his door.

MY UN-FAVORITE: Hilary Graham’s “The First Time I Met The Finkelsteins”
Once again, Graham ends up an un-favorite with this “first dinner with potential in-laws” concoction. Just as real-life dinners of this sort can turn out, this one’s a disaster.
The end result is just coarse and unappealingly vulgar. Of course, that’s because the Finkelsteins are coarse and unappealingly vulgar, but then again, this is from the woman who gave us “Bus #1” (where a woman just really urgently needs to pee), so you gotta wonder, why is she still here when Phil Hawkins was sent home last week?

I learned two things from this episode: that having Friedlander and Stein on my lookout list was so on the money, and that Michael Bay talks like he’s a director who’s far more talented and gifted than his films actually indicate.
Who knows, maybe he is, but dude, lighten up. You were only on the show to promote Transformers anyway, right?

Parting shot: Due to its less than stellar ratings, On The Lot has been pared down to one episode a week.

(Contestant image courtesy of thelot.com; Michael Bay image courtesy of movies.yahoo.com.)

ON THE LOT
Auditions Round 2

So we are witness to the continued clash of egos and styles in two particular groups, which invariably ends in the elimination of one director from each group: Jeff Siebenick (the big guy who kept on getting in the face of the smaller guy, Marty Martin), and Hannah Sink (who, along with fellow director Jessica Brillhart, bumped heads with Kenny “I’m so proud I never went to film school” Luby).

With guest judge Jon Avnet in tow, Carrie Fisher and Brett Ratner run through the 12 short films, heaping praise on “Wilted” (by Jarrett Conaway, Jason Epperson, and Tamela D’Amico; watch it on the website) and “Time Out” (by fx wiz Zach Lipovsky, Sam Friedlander, and Adam Stein; though we get to see portions of it on the episode, you really should see the entire film too).
And though I love “Wilted,” “Time Out” really does rachet up the stakes, as these guys had the balls to go with an idea that pretty much relied on special effects, and actually pulled it off in the insanely constrictive time limit.
So right now, in my books, these are 6 directors I’m keeping my eye on.

Now, as for the show itself, I’m enjoying it, but my chief complaint is that there’s too much going on, so much so that we really don’t get to see a lot, and you’re forced to go on-line just to see what the judges sometimes refer to.
The thing is, when I watch a television show, I don’t want to have to be forced to go elsewhere for everything to make sense to me. I feel that the TV show itself should be able to stand alone and give me all I need to enjoy the On The Lot viewing experience.
I mean, it’s not like these were particularly long short films. They were 2 and a half minutes each, so that comes to 30 minutes total. Would it have hurt Fox to have had a second 1-hour long episode, just so the audience could see all 12 films, instead of the snippets we saw in this episode?
Hopefully, when the field gets whittled down further, then On The Lot can settle down to actually showing us both the directors, as well as their work, in greater detail.

So we left the 24 remaining directors with a new challenge: with 30 minutes of prep time, they’re tasked to direct and shoot a 1-page script in 1 hour. The shorts resulting from this challenge will determine which 18 will go on to next week’s first “Film Premiere” episode. Running 2 hours, it’ll showcase the short films the remaining 18 directors initially submitted, that got them into that field of 50 we saw in the first episode.
(Now, how we get from the 24 of episode 2 to the 18 of episode 3, I’m not entirely sure, but I can only assume we’ll see the 6 eliminations in the initial part of next week’s 2-hour show.)
That’s followed by a “Box Office” results show the following day, where we learn the results of the voting, and who gets sent home.

The remaining 24 directors, as of the end of episode 2:

Adam Stein, 29, freelance film editor, born in Miami, FL, currently living in Los Angeles
Andrew Hunt, 31, promo producer from Minneapolis, MN, raised in Pittsburgh, PA
Brent M., 34, freelancer producer, born and raised in Dallas, TX
Carolina Z., 36, commercial director, originally from Santander, Spain, currently living in Los Angeles, CA
Claudia L., 28, painter and graphic artist, born in Bagheria, Sicily, Italy, currently lives in Miami, FL
David M., 23, admissions counselor living in Santa Ana, CA, but grew up in Aurora, CO
Dean L., 36, writer/director, living in Los Angeles , CA , originally from New York City
Hilari S., 40, independent filmmaker living in Los Angeles, CA, raised in Chicago, Atlanta and NYC
Hilary G., 37, stay-at-home wife and mom who lives in Francestown, NH, and raised in Chelmsford, MA
Jarrett Conaway, 24, graduate student living in Los Angeles, originally from Virginia Beach, VA
Jason Epperson, 30, owner of film production company, born and raised in Winchester, KY
Jessica Brillhart, 22, computer specialist, grew up in York, PA, currently living in Brooklyn, NY
Justin L., 24, digital post-production engineer, born and raised in Orange County, CA
Kenny Luby, 28, freelance director and painter, born and raised in Owego, NY
Marty Martin, 26, creative director of a multimedia company, born and raised in Seattle , WA
Mateen K., 41, teacher, currently living in Los Angeles, CA, raised in the Bronx, NY
Phil H., 22, born and raised in Manchester, England, works as a freelance director
Sam Friedlander, 28, web producer, living in Santa Monica, CA, raised in Westchester, NY
Shalini K., 30, freelance director, raised in Hartford, CT, currently living in Brooklyn, NY
Shira-Lee S., 38, acting teacher, born in Johannesburg, South Africa, now living in New York
Tamela D’Amico, 27, singer, actress and filmmaker living in Los Angeles, raised in Deer Park, NY
Trever J. 24, film editor, currently living in Los Angeles, CA, and raised in Great Falls, MT
Will Bigham, 31, film editor, originally from Canyon, TX, currently living in Glendale, CA
Zach Lipovsky, 23, special effects editor from Vancouver, BC, Canada

The list is from the On The Lot website, and for some reason, the contestants’ last names appear only as initials. I supplied the last names of the directors I’m aware of at the moment.

(Images courtesy of thecinemasource.com [Spielberg] and cbs.com [Burnett].)