¡QUÉ HORROR! 2020

The (Premature) Wrap-Up

So.

We really don't need a recap here of what's been going on in TFNY 2020.

We’re all living in the same waking nightmare, after all.

Deep diving into that here seems repetitive and pointless, given that it’s everywhere you look.

This is what I’d like to say here:

I’ve always made it a point at the Iguana to give my ¡Qué horror! recommendations without making any overt references to what’s going on in my personal life.

And that’s because, as far as I’m concerned, we’re here to celebrate horror, and these films and TV shows that get the ¡Qué horror! seal of approval? They’re meant to exist outside of time, to be appreciated today, and years from now, regardless of what’s going on with me.

But, as brutally proven by TFNY 2020, this has been a year of many, many firsts, precious few of them, if any, good.

For the first time, my Watchlist queue has backed up not because I haven’t had the time to sit down and watch something (we have, after all, in TFNY 2020, an overabundance of time, all COVID-melty and oddly exhausting though it may be), but rather because, for the most part, the all-too-real horror happening all around us has been enough for me, thank you very much.

I didn’t need some fictional horror story to narratively induce fear and worry and anxiety because we were all already marinating in that particular stew of dread…

And as October began to loom (October? October?!) and the number of Candidates hadn’t even hit two digits, much less 13, I realized I had little choice but to write this post.

So.

If you’re still in the mood for some ¡Qué horror!-approved horror this fast-approaching Halloween, then please, feel free to consider the 7 Candidates thus far as Finalists this year. (Plus, an additional two-ish; see below.)

In the meantime, I should also say that, at this point, I can’t tell when my current attitude towards horror will shift, or revert back to its usual Lifelong Horrorhead levels.

It will, of course, depend greatly on how TFNY 2020 continues to unfold.

I’d like to think that, every once in a while, I’ll try and make a dent in my Watchlist queue, which continues to lengthen, given my recent neglect of it…

I just don’t know if I’ll be doing the whole ¡Qué horror! Candidate posts thing (as I said, COVID time is oddly exhausting)…

For the time being, I think I’d like to use the Iguana to highlight what’s been keeping me sane these days, and that’s the comics side of my life.

That side has never really been “easy” (and the logistics end of self-publishing comics in TFNY 2020 has become exponentially more difficult), but there’s something to be said about spending time in the headspace of characters who are meant to be inspirational, about writing and telling stories that hopefully move and uplift…

So I’ll continue to make ‘Verse comics announcements here whenever there’s any news (and yes, there should be a ‘Verse post coming up soon-ish), that, I’m certain of.

In the meantime though, to close out this (Premature) ¡Qué horror! 2020 Wrap-Up, two more titles you can safely consider ¡Qué horror! 2020 Finalists…

one of which, I viewed quite a while back…

THE HUNT

(March 2020)

“What is this Avatar sh!t?!”

Director Craig Zobel (who helmed three episodes of The Leftovers, including the pivotal “International Assassin”) reunites with Nick Cuse and Damon Lindelof to gift us with absurdist levels of gory, over-the-top violence in The Hunt.

Despite the premature “controversy” in the wake of the trailer’s initial release, this title insists on equal opportunity ribbing, as shots are taken at both sides of the American sociopolitical divide, with a notable cast that includes Hilary Swank, Betty Gilpin, Emma Roberts, Amy Madigan, Ethan Suplee--as “(Shut the F*** Up) Gary”--and an uncredited Justin Hartley.

“This seems a little obvious, like, like maybe they wanted us to find it.”

“Depends on whether they’re smart pretendin’ to be idiots, or idiots pretendin’ to be smart.”

and the other, one I viewed a lot more recently…

ANTEBELLUM

(September 2020)

“Accept what you are. You are nothin’!”

If you’ve seen the trailer for Antebellum, then I’m spoiling nothing here by saying this:

Whatever the plot mechanics may be as to how the narrative bridges the Civil War and present day scenarios, the film is clearly about race.

And even if you see the trick coming, that doesn’t make Antebellum any less harrowing, opening as it does with a particularly difficult 13-minute section.

As she proved in the second season of Homecoming, Janelle Monáe is a potent lead, but I’d also like to point to both Gabourey Sidibe and Jena Malone, for bringing interesting textures to their supporting roles.

Antebellum is the feature debut of co-writers/-directors Gerard Bush and Christopher Renz, and it’s a provocative first shot.

I’m looking forward to seeing what’s next for the duo…

“This doesn’t end here. We’re nowhere… and everywhere…”

and for the -ish… something I also viewed quite a while back, and it qualified as an -ish since it’s a single episode of a TV series…

Osgood Perkins’ blackly comic, entertainingly biting indictment of human consumerism, “You Might Also Like,” his contribution to the second season of Peele-era The Twilight Zone.

This Perkins-described “bacon-wrapped hotdog” of an episode may not look it at first glance, but the connection the writer/director makes between the particular emotion that so consumes Gretchen Mol’s Janet, and consumerism itself… well, that’s horror right there…

“The Egg will make everything okay again. And this time it will be okay forever.”

So.

There we are.

I truly hope you’re all keeping safe (and sane) out there.

And have a Happy(?) and safe-slash-responsible Halloween, however you choose to celebrate it.

(The Hunt OS’ courtesy of impawards.com; Antebellum OS courtesy of screenanarchy.com.)

¡QUÉ HORROR! 2017

The Preliminaries

"It is happening again."
The time of year for another ¡Qué horror! rundown.

Before we get to the main list, a number of titles (film and television) that, for one reason or another, did not quite cross the line into “horror,” but were nonetheless noteworthy pieces that I felt needed to be acknowledged here.

SPLIT

(September 2016)

“Rejoice!

“The broken are the more evolved.

“Rejoice.”

This one straddled the thriller/horror line, and was ultimately a slam bang run-up to the already on-its-way Glass.

(Though don’t get me started on how this, coupled with Unbreakable, seems to point to Shyamalan echoing Grant Morrison’s Doom Patrol run just a bit too closely.)

BATES MOTEL

(February 2017)

While Bates Motel’s final season initially seemed to indicate that it was finally going to crack into the main rundown, at long last firmly crossing the thriller/horror line, shortly after the sly and gutsy inversion of episode 6, “Marion,” the show settled into tragic, dysfunctional family drama mode.

Don’t get me wrong. I loved this final season (which is why it’s getting a mention here), but, once again and for the final time, Bates Motel stared knowingly at the thriller/horror line, and pointedly declined to cross it.

TWIN PEAKS: THE RETURN

(May 2017)

Now this was something I’d never really imagined happening, but I’m so, so glad it did.

And, as with most of David Lynch’s oeuvre, while there are streaks and dollops of horror running through it, it’s a piece that really can’t be classified as “horror” (and I’m almost certain Mr. Lynch wouldn’t think of it as that, either).

And just as he did on Twin Peaks’ original ABC run, Lynch not only pushes the television envelope here, he tears it to shreds.

The a tad over 40 minute journey we take in episode 8, in which we meet the “Woodsman” (AKA Mr. “Got-a-Light?”) is the most harrowing 40 minutes of television I have ever seen.

After over a quarter of a century, Twin Peaks still remains the Best Television Show I have been blessed to have experienced, and The Return is a blistering and thoroughly welcome third season addition to it.

Oh, and good on the Roadhouse, for upping their game with the musicians they’ve invited onto their stage…

“… I don’t even know what to call it… this piece of art or… ‘cause I feel like calling it a television show… it aired on television, but it doesn’t feel like a television show for all the best possible reasons…”

--Damon Lindelof, on Twin Peaks: The Return

(Split & Twin Peaks: The Return OS’ courtesy of bloody-disguting.com; Bates Motel OS courtesy of impawards.com.)

¡Qué horror! 2014

Sidebar (1)

We're half a month out from this year’s cut-off date, and so I thought I needed to take note of a couple of TV shows that don’t really register as “horror,”* but were nonetheless among the absolute best the past 12 months had to offer.

IN THE FLESH

Series 2

This excellent show also got a mention for its first series ‘round these parts, and in a lot of ways, its second super-sized go-around is even better**. It takes the whole zombie thing and sets up a narrative that makes a much more optimal use of its scenario, operating on the level of allegory and socio-political commentary while telling us a tale of just how human any of us (living or otherwise) can be in the face of massive cultural upheaval.

George Romero should be proud.

As I said before, this is the show for those of you out there who are looking for more from their television zombies. It’s the show that achieves disquiet and unease without having to resort to fake bloodletting and over-the-top gore.

* Or, at least not in the same way as this year’s television Candidates qualify as “horror.”

** Well, maybe except for the fact that we see significantly less of Dr. Channard himself, Kenneth Cranham, than we did in series 1…

THE LEFTOVERS

Season 1

In the Sunday night face-off between ex-Lost showrunners Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, Lindelof wins hands down, The Leftovers creaming The Strain without even breaking a sweat.

Based on the novel by Tom Perrotta (who also wrote Election and Little Children, both adapted into feature films), The Leftovers chronicles the state of the world following the sudden disappearance of 2% of the world’s population.

It’s a somber, weighty, and emotionally wrenching watch, this, and clearly not for everyone.

But I love this show, and I must give props to Lindelof, Perrotta, and Peter Berg (who directed the pilot), for having the balls to give us a show like this. It’s the kind of show that we need, lest the television landscape be reduced to a sea of sitcoms and procedurals and “procedurals with a twist” and CSI’s and CSI clones and CSI clones’ spin-offs, and reality TV shows.

It’s the kind of show that, just as all serious art must do, makes us question and ponder, makes us take a brief step back from the 25/8 madness of the contemporary world and consider existence in all its beautiful and tragic and brutal glory.

(In The Flesh image courtesy of bbcamerica.com; In The Flesh DVD cover art courtesy of twitter.com; The Leftovers OS’ courtesy of impawards.com.)

LOST
Season 4 Episodes 13 & 14
“There’s No Place Like Home” (Parts Two and Three)
Written by Damon Lindelof & Carlton Cuse
Directed by Jack Bender
(WARNING: SPOILERS)

Given the density of events (and resultant chaotic emotions left in those events’ wakes) in this season’s 2-hour finale, I opted to break this into 2 parts, if only to make it a more manageable read.

[2 of 2]


Meanwhile, back at the Orchid, with Keamy now good and croaked, Ben triggers the Vault, which has its own minor ka-blooey moment.
Ben then puts on that fleece-lined parka we saw him in in the Sahara (quadruple hmmmm…) and tells Locke to go back to the Others and to lead them.
In another brilliant moment that made me actually care for poor, manipulative Ben, it turns out that Jacob told Locke to move the Island, but not how, because he wanted Ben to do the dirty work, because it seems that whosoever moves the Island, can’t ever come back to it.
Ever. (Or so poor, manipulative Ben claims.)


So Locke leaves, and we see him later on being welcomed by Richard and the Others.
Jacob’s b!tch, Ben, on the other hand, goes through the ruptured Vault into some sort of frozen rocky area, where there’s a large wheel (the Frozen Donkey Wheel, I assume), which he then struggles to turn.
And here, Ben, the disgraced and out-of-favour son, looks broken and he’s actually crying, even as he turns the wheel…


… and there’s a sound in the air…

… and there’s a light in the sky…


… and even as the people on the helicopter watch (Frank intending to land on the Island again before the fuel runs out)…


… and even as Ju-Ju and Sawyer on the Beach watch…


… and even as Idiot Zodiac Daniel and his second group of sock puppets watch…


… and even as the Others and their newly anointed leader, Locke, watch…


… the…


… Island…


… disappears…


It’s just gone, and apparently, so is the other smaller island where Jack, Kate, and Sawyer were imprisoned in the first part of Season 3.
So, without any Island to land on, the helicopter finally runs out of fuel, and goes ker-plash.
All the Oceanic Six survive, of course, as does Frank, and there’s a moment or two when they make it look like Des took too much seawater in the lungs, but Doc Obsesso does mouth-to-mouth, and Des sputters, coughs up salt water, and keeps on breathing. (Unlike poor Charlie, Des, who you sent down to a watery grave on the strength of a vision involving, oh, what was it again? Oh yeah! Claire and Aaron. On a helicopter!!!)


So the Oceanic Six plus two are floating on the helicopter’s life raft, when they spot a ship out in the night, and even as they’re shouting for it, I have a nasty flashback to Season One’s finale, and Mr. Friendly asking for Walt…
Jack though, is more concerned about something else, so he tells the others about the Great Lie.
Well, not the details, not yet, but rather, that they just have to lie, about everything, to keep those they left behind safe, from whoever sent that freighter.
But when the Searcher comes close enough, it turns out to be… Penny’s boat!
So Des and Penny get their happy, happy moment, and yes, I am moved by it, but I must ask, Where’s Claire’s semi-happy moment? Damn you, Desmond! Damn you, Lindelof and Cuse!


So the next week is spent off-screen, hatching the details of the Great Lie, and even as the Oceanic Six gather to get on a raft and make it to Membata, it looks like Sun’s still in deep, deep shock.
Frank stays on board the Searcher, of course, as does Des, who says he’ll be okay, so long as he’s with Penny. (What about Claaaaiiire?!?)
And the Oceanic Six make it to Membata…

Now, let’s spin our own Frozen Donkey Wheel, and check out those flashforwards…


Kate has a dream where she sees Claire in Aaron’s room, and Claire tells Kate not to bring Aaron back (to the Island, I believe we can safely assume).
And I think, Oh great, Claire’s really dead, isn’t she? (Damn you, Desmond!)
If she is dead though, why is her ghost (for lack of a better term) telling Kate not to bring Aaron back to the Island, when, normally, the “ghosts” exist to do the Island’s bidding, and as we’ll find out later, everyone has to go back to the Island?


Hurley gets a visit at the loonybin, from… Walt!!!
Walt, who, all growed-up now, tells Hurley he was paid a visit by “Jeremy Bentham,” the fellow in that Season 3 finale coffin.
Walt, who asks Hurley why are they lying about what happened, and Hurley answers, To keep the people we left behind safe.
Like my Dad, poor, hideously naïve Walt asks.
Yeah, Hurley lies, like your Dad…


Hurley then later gets another visit, from… Sayid, a.k.a. Ben’s Crying Freeman.
Sayid tells Hurley about Bentham’s “suicide,” and that he’s breaking Hurley out of the loonybin, to take him someplace safe.
Hurley makes certain, You’re not taking me back there, are you?
No, I’m not, Crying Freeman lies.
And Sayid’s arrival breaks up a chess game Hurley’s apparently having with an unseen Mr. Eko…


And in a shocking flashforward, Sun is in London, and has a chat with… Da Widmore!
From the conversation, it’s clear that Sun’s corporate take-over has successfully placed her in charge.
It also becomes apparent (or so they’re making us think), that Sun is willing to help Da W. find the Island again. (Is this truly Dark Sun, or is she playing along with Ben’s puppetry, to take down the other man she feels is responsible for Jin’s death? But who does Sun hold ultimately responsible, along with her father? Da W.? Or Ben? Or (gasp!) Jack?


And in another shocking flashforward, and a return to that night that began in Season 3’s finale and continued in this finale’s opening moments, Jack returns to that damned anagrammatical funeral parlour. He breaks in, and stands before the closed casket of “Jeremy Bentham.”
But who should also arrive to pay his respects, but… Ben! (Effectively taking him off the Casket Candidate List… Oh. No.)
It turns out that “Bentham” (Oh. No.) not only visited Walt, he also contacted Jack and Kate, and apparently told Jack that after they left the Island, bad, bad things happened, and that they happened because Jack and the others were never meant to leave, and thus, the bad, bad things were all Jack’s fault.
“Bentham” (Oh. No.) was trying to convince them that they all had to go back to the Island, and Ben agrees. And of course, at this point, so does Beardo Jack. Ben’s even aware of Jack’s scarily pathetic flights on Oceanic, just hoping for another crash.
Ben points out though, this is only going to work if you all go back.
Jack then says (oh the poor, depressed, guilt-ridden guy), Hurley’s nuts, and Sun blames me for Jin’s death, and I don’t know where Sayid is, and Kate won’t even talk to me…
Ben then says, I think I can help you with that.
Then, in a morbid turn that ranks right up there with Locke carrying his dead conman da’s body on his back, Ben says, You all have to go back, even him, and we all then get to see the man in the casket, and it’s (Oh. No.) John Locke…

COUNTDOWN: 34.

Parting shot: So the Season 4 2-hour finale originally aired May 29, and I had had this post written and ready a few days afterwards.
It’s suddenly late-November and Season 5 is less than two months away, and only now do I actually get this recap on the Iguana.
Which just goes to prove it isn’t only on the Island where time goes all wonky…

(Lost OS courtesy of impawards.com.)

LOST
Season 4 Episodes 13 & 14
“There’s No Place Like Home” (Parts Two and Three)
Written by Damon Lindelof & Carlton Cuse
Directed by Jack Bender
(WARNING: SPOILERS)

Given the density of events (and resultant chaotic emotions left in those events’ wakes) in this season’s 2-hour finale, I opted to break this into 2 parts, if only to make it a more manageable read.

[1 of 2]

Okay. So the “Frozen Donkey Wheel” has been revealed to the world, and we now know who emerged on the top of the Casket Candidate List (my top three: Michael, Ben, or Locke).
Given the density of events in this season’s 2-hour finale, you’ll perhaps understand if I may inadvertently leave some bit or other out.
Hopefully though, senility won’t get too much of an upper hand…
Into the breach then…


Wondrously, majestically, that spectacular final moment from last season’s finale, comes all the way around the past dozen episodes, and segues into the opening moments of this season’s finale, as Kate actually stops the car in response to Beardo Jack’s plea of returning to the Island.
They have another heart-wrenching conversation, which firmly establishes that it’s been three years since they got off the Island, and that, no way is Kate ever going back there.
Ever.

Now, I’ll have to break protocol and leave off from the flashforward for the moment, and take on the Island goings-on first.

Zodiac Daniel returns to the Beach for the second group to be ferried to the Kahana, and he tells Miles and Charlotte that they should both be on the Zodiac when this trip leaves.
Miles though, opts to stay on the Island (hmmmm…), and is actually surprised that Charlotte seems to be willing to leave the Island as well, considering how hard she’s worked to “get back here” (double hmmmm…).
True enough, when Daniel asks Charlotte again, she says she’s staying, and says something about not yet having found the place where she was born (triple hmmmm…).
So Daniel reluctantly leaves Charlotte, and when Juliet says she’s staying too, since she promised she wouldn’t leave till everyone was safe (did she? I can’t recall that… Go, Ju-Ju! Go!! Can’t you see that look Daniel has? And Daniel, you moron! Tell her!!! Graaarrr!!!!)
So Idiot Zodiac Daniel zooms off…


Meanwhile, Richard and the Others finding Kate and Sayid last episode turns out to be a gambit to rescue Ben.
Even as Keamy is bringing Ben back to the helicopter, where they find Frank still trying to break out of the handcuffs, Kate runs into the clearing, supposedly escaping the Others’ clutches.
The mercenaries fan out into the jungle, but it’s a trap, of course, and they’re picked off one by one, as Kate and Ben scamper off into the jungle, Keamy in hot pursuit. Keamy’s then tackled by Sayid, and a brutal tussle kicks in. It looks like Keamy’s gonna break Sayid’s neck, when Keamy’s shot in the back (by Richard, if I recall correctly).
He’s apparently dead. (Riiiiiighhhht.)
Ben asks what the arrangement was, and Richard says, They help us, and we let them get off the Island.
Ben says, Fair enough. Take the helicopter.


Meanwhile, Jack and Sawyer find Hurley (relieving himself, if I’m not mistaken).
Locke (who can’t find the damned flower Ben mentioned) then attempts to draw Jack into a conversation, to try and convince him that he’s not supposed to leave the Island.
Doc Obsesso doesn’t listen, of course.
Locke, seeing that he can’t change Jack’s mind, makes the plea for the Great Lie, so as to protect the Island. Doc Obsesso scoffs, It’s an island. It doesn’t need to be protected.
Locke says, It’s not an Island. It’s a place where miracles happen.
Naturally, Doc Obsesso claims there are no such things as miracles (despite having gotten his future ex-wife-to-be to walk again, when all indications pointed to the fact that he’d failed to help her)…
Jack is just leaving, when Ben returns. Ben then tells Jack about Kate and Sayid being at the helicopter, and that he should leave if he still intends to.
Jack watches as Ben and Locke get into an elevator and descend into the real Orchid Station.


Jack, Sawyer, and Hurley reach the helicopter, and even as they’re all getting aboard, I’m thinking, So what’s gonna happen to Sawyer (since he isn’t part of the Oceanic Six)?!
And when Hurley asks Jack if they’re coming back to look for Claire, and Jack says, Sure, I’m also thinking, Damn you, Desmond! Where’s your Claire and Aaron getting on a helicopter flash?! Damn you, Lindelof and Cuse! Where’s that flaaaassssshhhh?!?
The answer to the Sawyer question comes soon enough though, as it appears a bullet hit the helicopter and they’re leaking fuel, so if they don’t land soon, they go ker-splash.
Needing to lighten the load, so they can get to the freighter faster, everything that isn’t bolted down gets tossed into the ocean, including… Sawyer!
Actually, when Frank says he’ll be happier if they lose another 200 pounds, there’s a sad shot of Hurley (who’s probably having a traumatic flashback to the whole “dock collapse-due-to-my-weight” thing), before Sawyer whispers something in Kate’s ear (presumably the favour she attends to later on, presumably involving Cassidy and Sawyer’s daughter), liplocks with Kate (which Jack sees with his own Obsesso eyes), then jumps out of the helicopter!
Jack promises they’ll send the helicopter back to look for Sawyer once they’re safely on the freighter. (Riiiiiighhhht.)


Meanwhile, back on the freighter, where it’s supposed to be safe (damn you, Lindelof and Cuse!), Des, Michael, and Jin try and figure out how to stop the C4 from going ka-blooey.
Even as Des (who had some six months’ experience with explosives during his military stint) determines that the C4 will go ka-blooey when some device or other receives a radio signal, Michael figures they can freeze the battery with liquid nitrogen to prevent—or at the very least, slow—the chemical reaction that will trigger the ka-blooey-ness.
(Guessing though that that thingy on Keamy’s arm is what’s supposed to trigger the ka-blooey-ness, why hasn’t the freighter blown sky high yet? Because Sun and Aaron are still on it! Which also means that Keamy’s still alive, despite those bullets to the back…)


And, true enough, who should take the down elevator to the Orchid, but Keamy and his body armor!
But first, Locke is shown the initial portion of the Orchid Orientation video, which seems to indicate that, as Ben succinctly puts it, “time-traveling bunnies” are indeed possible! (Thus, we have confirmation that there is actual physical time-traveling going on in the Lost-verse.)
According to the video, “The Vault” (built adjacent to a “pocket of negatively-charged exotic matter,” where the subject meant to do the time-traveling is to be placed) is also supposed to be kept clear of any metallic objects, but even as Locke is learning this, Ben the Busy Bug-Eyed Bee is placing everything metallic that he can find in the station, into the Vault!
Which is when Keamy arrives.
There’s a conversation, and a scuffle, and when Keamy unwisely goads Ben about Alex’s death, Ben goes postal and stabs the baddie… despite Keamy already having explained about the dead man’s trigger on his arm, and the freighter’s instant ka-blooey-ness, should his heart stop beating.
Locke tries to save the schmuck’s life (so as to prevent the freighter instantly going ka-blooey), but he fails…

… Keamy croaks…


… and back at the Kahana, the light goes red, giving them all about 5 minutes to get off it before the impending ka-blooey.
So Michael valiantly stays to continue freezing the battery to slow the chemical reaction. He tells Des and Jin to go, though Jin stays by Michael’s side.
Even as Des gets to the upper deck, the helicopter comes in, needing to land badly, to refuel.
In the few short minutes of the helicopter actually being on the freighter’s deck, they do their best to plug the bullet hole, pump as much fuel in as they can, and scramble back on board the helicopter.
Below deck, Michael runs out of insta-freeze, and tells Jin, Go, you’re a father now. Take care of your wife and baby, so Jin takes off for the upper deck.
Meanwhile, Sun wants to go below deck to get Jin, but Kate tells her, I’ll go, you take Aaron to the helicopter.
But Jack grabs Kate and says, I’m not leaving without you, and drags her back to the helicopter.
Frank takes off, the Oceanic Six and Des on-board (and I’m thinking, Oh no, what happens to Des?), even as Jin makes it onto the deck, and Sun’s screaming to go back for Jin, and Christian appears to Michael and dismisses him (“You can go now, Michael”), and the Kahana goes ka-blooey.
And poor Sun just keeps on screaming, till Jack tells her, He’s gone, and I’m thinking, Oh no, Sun’ll never forgive him…


So the freighter goes ka-blooey, taking Michael with it (he was right next to the C4, right? This also effectively takes him off the Casket Candidate List…), along with all the poor sock puppets ferried there to their doom by Idiot Zodiac Daniel.
As for Jin, he could have conceivably been blown off the freighter by the explosion, or am I being hideously naïve here?

Back on the beach, Sawyer rises from the sea, shirtless now (and a host of female Lost fans shriek with mad glee), to find Ju-Ju getting sloshed on Dharma rum.
So what are we celebrating? he asks.
I’m not celebrating, Ju-Ju replies, pointing to the column of smoke out at sea.
Our boat? Sawyer asks.
It was, says poor, poor Ju-Ju, who has, yet again missed her chance to get off the Island…

COUNTDOWN: 35.

(Lost OS courtesy of impawards.com.)

LOST
Season 4 Episode 12
“There’s No Place Like Home” (Part One)
Written by Damon Lindelof & Carlton Cuse
Directed by Stephen Williams
(WARNING: SPOILERS)


Frakkin’ Admiral Cain works for Oceanic!

Sorry.

Okay, flashforward.
We see the Oceanic Six get presented to the press for the first time, and hear the official cover-up story, as delivered by Karen Decker (Michelle Forbes, a.k.a. Battlestar Galactica’s Admiral Psycho-B!tch Cain).
We then track the Six as they re-assimilate into society.

Nadia makes her way to the press conference, and is reunited with Sayid. (Of course, we all know how that’s gonna end…)


Using the “very significant” settlement paid her by Oceanic, Sun purchases a controlling interest in her father’s company, and in a fantastic scene, she confronts her evil da, and says, You’re the reason why we were on that plane. Two people are responsible for my husband’s death, and you are one of them.
She goes on to say, I will have my baby, and then we will discuss what is to become of our company. (Sun’s really scary when you cross her…)


Hugo is given a surprise birthday party, with most of the Oceanic Six in attendance (Jack is running late). His pops gives him his birthday gift: the Firebird, which has finally been completed.
As a kind of memorial, Hugo’s da rebuilt it when he’d thought Hugo was gone. Now, it’s Hugo’s. But when he gets in, he sees the speedometer and odometer (is that right?) and they are, naturally, turned to the cursed numbers.
So Hugo loses it and runs off, down the street…

At the memorial for Christian, who should show up, but Claire’s mum, and she tells Jack all.
Your father was in Sydney to see his daughter, who also happened to be on the plane you were on, and her name was Claire…. We can see just how this slams into poor Jack, and the woman, totally oblivious, passes Kate as she leaves the church, and says, You have a beautiful son…


Now, back to the Island, where things get FUBAR right quick, as we careen towards the two-hour season finale.

Much to Juliet’s agony, Jack runs off into the jungle with Kate, to track the NaomiPhone’s signal, which will lead them to the helicopter.
They run into Sawyer, Miles, and Aaron. Jack keeps on going, while Kate is stuck with Aaron, so Sawyer accompanies Jack.
They eventually find the helicopter, and find Frank handcuffed to it. Frank tells them as soon as he’s free, he can fly them to safety, and they should do it before Keamy and his goons get back.
Frank says they’re here for Ben, and they won’t be very nice to anyone else they find with him. Sawyer says, Hugo’s with Ben.
Naturally, Jack and Sawyer go off to rescue Hugo…


By the time Sayid gets the Zodiac to the beach, Kate’s arrived. Kate and Sayid decide to go after Jack, while Daniel volunteers to start ferrying people to the freighter. On the first trip, Sun, Jin, and Aaron.
When Sun and Jin get to the freighter, they see Michael, and understandably, aren’t terribly thrilled to see him.
Michael also gets to fix the engines, but Des finds that there’s a whole lotta C4 on the boat…
Meanwhile, Kate and Sayid follow Jack’s tracks, but end up being taken by Richard and the Others…

Ben, Locke, and Hugo, on the other hand, under orders to “move the Island,” head for the Orchid Station, where Keamy and his goons are already by the time they arrive.
Ben gives Locke very specific instructions to get to the elevator that will bring him down to the real Orchid Station, while Ben, to keep Keamy and his goons distracted, gives himself up to Widmore’s troops…


Well, there we are, and just two hours away from season’s end.
It is, of course, a poignant moment, seeing the Oceanic Six initially reunited with their respective families, made all the more bittersweet since Kate has no one to greet her, as does Sayid (Nadia shows up afterwards), though Hugo does intro Sayid to his parents.


The subsequent Oceanic Six off-Island bits are also an emotional minefield (we know how Sayid’s reunion with Nadia will end; we see Sun the Terrible; and we see the beginning of the decline, for both Hugo and Jack), serving as counterpoint to the Island present bits, which—in keeping with past season wrap-ups—is very much focused on narrative propulsion, of getting to the finale with as much momentum as humanly possible.

COUNTDOWN: 36.

(Images courtesy of ABC, ew.com, and variety.com.)

LOST
Season 4 Episode 5
“The Constant”
Written by Damon Lindelof & Carlton Cuse
Directed by Jack Bender
(WARNING: SPOILERS)

Meanwhile, on the helicopter, in taking the exact coordinates Daniel gave him, Frank flies directly into a thunderhead. But the turbulence makes them veer just slightly off course, and suddenly, Desmond is 8 years in the past, during his army stint, and he believes he’s just had a particularly vivid dream involving a lunatic Island and a helicopter.
He’s doing some military exercises in the rain when suddenly, he’s back in the helicopter, and he can’t remember Sayid, and doesn’t understand why he’s on a helicopter…
While Sayid keeps a panicked, struggling Des away from the controls, Frank clears the thunderhead and lands the helicopter on the freighter, where the other Boat People seem none too happy to see them.
Des is taken to the infirmary, where he’s locked in, and he meets Minkowski (Fisher Stevens), who’s in four point restraints. Des is freaking, not knowing why he’s here, or who these people are, and Minkowski says, It’s happening to you too.

Back on the beach, Jack and Juliet are having a discussion with Daniel and Charlotte, wondering why it’s been a day and they haven’t heard word from Sayid when the trip to the freighter should have taken all of 20 minutes.
Daniel starts to talk about perception of time, and Charlotte says, We don’t want to confuse anyone.
Juliet says, Well, talk really slowly and maybe we’ll understand. (Yeah! Score!! You go, Ju-ju, take that snotty Brit b!tch down…)
Daniel says, So long as Frank follows the exact coordinates I gave him, everything should be fine.
Jack asks, And what if he doesn’t?
Daniel: Then there could be some side effects…

Thus does the episode shuttle back and forth between 2004 Island (or in this case, Freighter) Des and 1996 Army Des, as we tag along with Des’ 1996 consciousness as it ping pongs back and forth across the time continuum.
Poor Des gets a break though, when Sayid trades his gun for Frank’s NaomiPhone. Sayid rings the Beach, and talks to Jack, telling him about Des’ wonky condition.
Armed with his journal, Daniel jumps in and things really get interesting.
Daniel talks to Des and quickly determines that Des believes it’s 1996, so Daniel says, looking through his journal, All right. When you get back to where you believe you should be, go to Oxford and look for me. Tell me this (numbers, oscillate, 11 hertz, mumble mutter), and if I don’t believe you, tell me you know about Eloise.
So Des jots this down on the palm of his hand, but when he finds himself in 1996 again, his palm is of course, devoid of any writing.
Luckily, he’s got a good memory, as he tracks down a long-haired Daniel, who initially thinks it’s a lame prank (“Time paradox,” he scoffs), but when Des lays down the numbers and the Eloise bit, Daniel takes him seriously.

Daniel shows Des Eloise, who as it turns out, is a lab rat. Daniel uses the figures to irradiate Eloise, to make her “unstuck in time.”
After the radiation bath, Daniel lets Eloise into a maze, which she travels through to the other end, unerringly.
Daniel is jubilant, and Des doesn’t get it. Daniel says, I just finished this maze. I’m going to train her to run through it an hour from now.
Des then spends about 5 minutes back on the freighter, and when he finds himself back in 1996 (where much more than 5 minutes have passed), Eloise is dead.
Bastards!
It seems Eloise had an aneurysm since the poor rat’s consciousness was shuttling back and forth between the future and the present, and as the condition progresses, it gets harder and harder to return, especially if there is no anchor, no constant, something (or someone) important who exists in both time periods.
And of course, we all know who Des’ constant is.
So Des needs to make contact with Penny in 1996 and 2004, or he’ll wind up just like poor Eloise.

Des calls Pen in 1996, but her phone’s been disconnected, so he meets Pen’s da (Alan Dale, who plays bastardly patriarchs like nobody’s business), and asks for her phone number. (Incidentally, Da Widmore’s at an auction for a log of the Black Rock!)
In a swanky bathroom, Da Widmore gives Des Pen’s address (and wastes a whole lot of water, the d!ck).

In 2004, they find they’re in sort of a pickle, as the communications were trashed by some mystery someone, so they can’t call Pen.
Given a paper clip and spit, Sayid can, of course, fix anything, but they’re locked in the infirmary! Suddenly though, the door isn’t locked anymore, is in fact, open, so they get crazy Minkowski to bring them to the communications room (where Des sees a calendar that indicates it’s almost Christmas).
All the while, Minkowski’s nose is bleeding, and he winds up very dead, just like poor Eloise. (And I thought, That’s the extent of Fisher Stevens’ role? Oh well…)
Sayid does his best to fix the comm stuff, but they still need that phone number.

In 1996, Des goes to Penny’s, and though it’s painfully clear she doesn’t want anything to do with him, Des all but pleads, just give me your phone number, and I’ll call you 8 years from now, on Christmas Eve, 2004.
Pen says, If I give you my number, will you leave me alone?
Des says, Aye.
So Pen gives him her number (…; if I was Des, I’d be so screwed), and as he memorizes it, she asks, If it’s so important, why don’t you write it down?
To which Des replies, It wouldn’t matter.
And Pen kicks his arse out.

In 2004, Sayid fixes the comm line, just in time for Des to return with the number in his noggin. Sayid warns him the battery may go belly up at any moment, so be ready for that.
And Des makes the call.
And the phone rings for what seems a brutally long time.
And Pen answers!
And they talk and cry (and I’m beginning to bawl too), and Des can’t quite believe she’s at the other end of the line, and Pen says, I’ve been looking for you for the past 3 years, and Des says, I’ve been on an Island, and Pen says, I know all about the Island, I’ve been doing research, and when I got to talk to your friend Charlie, I knew it was all true, and they profess their love for each other, and the battery goes belly up.
Sayid apologizes, but Des says it’s all right, and he seems to remember his 2004 self now.
And back in 1996, as Des walks away from Pen’s, he smiles, as if instinctively knowing that everything’s all right, no imminent aneurysm, for now…

Back on the beach, Daniel’s looking through his journal, and he sees this: If anything goes wrong, Desmond Hume will be my constant.

Okay, brilliant episode, once again getting into the nature of time in the Lost-verse (as with Season 3’s “Flashes Before Your Eyes”), while cranking up the waterworks with the whole “must search for my constant” thing, as if to say love really can save your life, if only you let it.
The question that will occur to the time police though, is evident: why don’t either Des or Daniel remember the 1996 meeting (which gave Daniel the key to unlocking the secrets of time travel)?
Well, let me get it straight first.

When the helicopter veers off Daniel’s coordinates, the consciousness of 1996 Des is suddenly downloaded into 2004 Des. It’s this consciousness that gets shunted back and forth between the two time periods for the rest of the episode.
By the episode’s end, Des apparently remembers Sayid, but is this still the 1996 Des consciousness (which technically would have no memories of the 8-year gap) or did the 1996 consciousness somehow fuse with the 2004 consciousness when Des contacted his constant?
Or (and this seems the most likely), did the veering off-course jog the consciousness of 2004 Des back to its 1996 condition, which then caused it to take the place of the original 1996 consciousness, back in 1996?
So technically, the consciousness we were tagging along with was 2004-thinking-it-was-1996. Thus, when everything is set to rights, the 2004 consciousness gets toggled back to its proper setting.
Which would mean that it took Des over for that period of time in 1996, which, for his original 1996 consciousness (which was evicted to God-knows-where for the interim), would seem like a blank, a hole in his memory, as if he’d experienced a blackout of, what was it, a weekend?
Thus, no memories, other than, Gee, you know I lost a couple of days back in 1996?

And as for Daniel, when we see him in the episode 2 flashback, he did strike me as someone who may have had some sort of nervous breakdown in the recent past.
So maybe something happened to Daniel that caused him to have a breakdown, thus eradicating his memories of that encounter. (And maybe that also has something to do with that memory test Charlotte was giving Daniel with the cards in a previous episode; I think I may have neglected to mention that before.)
Checking out the official podcast and some interviews, Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have indicated that in the Lost-verse, the universe “course corrects” itself to avoid and eradicate any potential paradoxes caused by futzing around with time, either through time travel, or attempts to avoid inevitable futures. (If memory serves me right, this is also what Mrs. Hawking explained in “Flashes Before Your Eyes.”)
So maybe the breakdown (if Daniel indeed had one) was the universe’s way of course correcting, obliterating memories that Daniel should never have had in the first place.
Ah, but then Daniel wrote that note to himself in the journal…
Smart.

Whatever the case with that theory though, I do sincerely hope we see more Daniel flashbacks in the (heh) future.
I also hope the whole “aneurysm threatening to go pop” thing is safely over now. I mean, I wouldn’t want Des to just drop stone dead the moment he hooks up with Pen. My friend Karen will so not like that.
(Honestly, after his phone call to Pen got cut off, I kept on thinking, Okay, he’s gonna keel over right now, isn’t he? But he shakes Sayid’s hand, and seems fine. So let’s let it be that way, huh? Des should get his happy ending with Pen, shouldn’t he?)

What also just struck me now (and really should’ve long ago, given that Alan Dale has played that sort of shady father figure in other shows before) is that maybe, Da Widmore is a major player in all of this.
I mean, it can’t be mere coincidence that he’s interested in the Black Rock log. Could he be trying to find some indication of the Island’s whereabouts in the log?

And is the Boat Person who smashed the comm stuff Ben’s spy? Could it be—as all indications seem to point to—Michael?
And if so, was it Michael who unlocked the infirmary door? Or was that Frank, who did claim to Sayid that he wanted to help?

Oooh, questions, questions…

COUNTDOWN: 43.

(Images courtesy of abc, sparklies.org, abc.go.com and aol.com.)