ON THE LOT
Episode 15
The Final Three

Sam. Dude.
Like Andrew and Zach, I’ll be keeping my eye out for you.
And “Replication Theory” still rocks.

So we’ve got the Final Three, and for that crucial final vote, they each chose two shorts from everything they’ve directed for the show: Jason chose “Eternal Waters” and “Sweet,” Will chose “Glass Eye” and “The Yes Men,” and Adam chose “Dough: The Musical” and “Army Guy.” (See my past reviews in the Archive for my reactions to them after their first runs.)
For those of you who’ve been following my reviews of the show’s shorts, you’ll know that I’m rooting for two of these guys, but based on the choices tonight, Adam takes the cake, since both his picks were Favorites of mine during their respective premieres (and “Dough” is pretty much a stand-out from the entire competition).
But of course, what do I know?
I mean, Jason’s got that whole country boy thing going, and Will’s the family man. (And let’s face it, in these sort of reality competition shows, image and personality count too.) It really is anyone’s ball game, and next week should prove interesting.

(Contestant images courtesy of thelot.com.)

ON THE LOT
Episode 9
Horror Night

As seemed pretty evident from last week’s batch of films, David ended up getting the least number of votes, and was sent home.
Personally, I always found a certain lack in David’s films. They weren’t awful like most of Hilary’s efforts, but they didn’t quite have that “Ooomph” that the work of the more talented and creative contestants display.

Now, a quick word before I run down this week’s shorts.
I found this batch sadly underwhelming, and this is quite possibly because it was Horror Night, and anyone who knows me or has read the reviews here at the Iguana, know I’m a certified horror geek.
As such, I was looking forward to tonight, but at the end of it all, there just wasn’t a single conceit that was particularly inventive. The shorts towards the top of my list are there on the strength of a particular scene or because of the film’s execution, and not because there was anything new in them.
I hope you all understand…

MY FAVORITE: Sam Friedlander’s “Anklebiters”
It’s got a simple premise: a new vicious species attacks a boy in the dead of night.
The strength of “Anklebiters” lies in the attack sequence, which is shot and edited well, ratcheting up the tension and suspense as any good creature feature should. And the child actor was effective as well.
I’m just not sure about the opening voice-over, which is borderline hokey-jokey, when I feel it should have been more Twilight Zoney. And the short’s punchline (or “tag,” as guest judge Eli Roth calls it) did lack some, er, bite.
But we still love ‘ya, Sam! (And try and smile a little more, dude; that should get you some more votes…)

Shira-Lee Shalit’s “Open House”
A young, expecting couple view an apparently haunted house.
This one is near the top of this week’s list because that scene in the nursery with the pregnant woman and the ghost was disturbing and very effective. But as Garry Marshall pointed out, there really wasn’t any conflict. The short is pretty much, set-up, killer scene, then bam, the couple is safe by their car.
But, as Eli Roth said, that tag was nice…

Mateen Kemet’s “Profile”
Okay, this one had balls. Mateen takes an everyday horror (the fear an individual of colour has of the police) and presents us with some of the most graphic scenes to emerge from On The Lot thus far.
I get what Mateen was saying, and like I said, I commend him for his cojones, but the fact that it was all a personal dread of the main character (though part of “Profile”’s point) just smacks of those horror movies that don’t quite pull off the whole “Oh, it was all just a dream” thing.
And the final pull-away till we see the entire planet doesn’t quite drive the idea—that this is horror happening everywhere—home in a particularly effective manner.

Andrew Hunt’s “Midnight Snack”
Even monsters get the midnight munchies…
Honestly, I’m surprised Andrew ended up in the lower half of this week’s list, but this one just didn’t do it for me.
Yeah, there were some creepy shots, particularly of the female ghost, but they were plainly influenced by Asian horror, complete with contortions and ghost revealed in ordinary, innocuous location (this time, it’s a coat rack).
And ultimately, it wasn’t particularly horrifying.

Kenny Luby’s “The Malibu Myth”
A couple set out to see whether there is any truth to “The Malibu Myth,” of people who disappear along a stretch of road; people who were purportedly irradiated, turning them into flesh-eaters.
This one just reeked too much of those current Hollywood horror films that are ransacking the feel and atmosphere of extreme 70’s horror classics like Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes, and not taking any significant steps beyond that.
Having said that, this is, though, Kenny’s best effort to date, and is a good step towards some clarity and a traditional narrative. (Like the saying goes, you need to know the rules first, before you can break them, and I’d like to know that Kenny can first tell a story well, before he gets all whacked out and experimental cinema on me.)

MY LEAST FAVORITE: Jason Epperson’s “Eternal Waters”
A mother grieving for her drowned son is about to face a real-life horror, and a supernatural truth.
Though the shot of the kid in the water-filled coffin was effective, this one is ultimately predictable and not particularly scary. (At least, it wasn’t an Un-Favorite.)

So there you have it. My reactions to Horror Night.
And though Jason’s effort was my least favorite this week, I think he’s got a voting following.
Meanwhile, Kenny might have been in trouble if he’d stayed in his usual mode, but he delivered what is one of the current understandings of cinematic horror in this day and age, so he should be safe.
Which could mean Mateen may be done for, if the viewing audience finds his provocative and in-your-face definition of horror a little too much for their sensibilities. On the other hand, he could have a voting following too, in which case, everything’s all up in the air, and the next director to leave The Lot is anyone’s guess.

As I mentioned above, this week’s guest judge was Eli Roth, whose Cabin Fever I really, really, really love, a film which definitely proclaimed there was a new voice in cinematic horror that demanded to be listened to.
And though my love for Hostel is not as all-encompassing and complete as the one I feel for Cabin Fever, it is still nonetheless a smart, sly, savage, and well-directed piece of gorno and I’m so looking forward to seeing Hostel II, hoping that Roth can somehow pull it all off without the film being an exercise in misogyny (and with three female protagonists being tortured in some perverse commercial enterprise, that seems to be a very real possibility).

Next week: shorts based on the key phrase: When Two Worlds Collide.

(Contestant image courtesy of thelot.com; Eli Roth image on the set of Hostel II, courtesy of twitchfilm.net.)

ON THE LOT
Film Premiere 2

The rules for this batch of short films: write, shoot, and edit a short film with a running time of not more than 3 minutes, in 5 days.
Now, for some reason, the show decides that they’ll be pitting five of the remaining 15 directors against each other, and the one whose film scores the lowest numbers of votes from the audience, goes home next week. I’m curious to know though how the five directors were determined, or was it all totally random (which somehow, I don’t think is the case, ‘cause if it were random, they could’ve just pulled names out of a hat right then and there).

Anyway, with a field of five, I’m choosing to forego my usual alphabetical rundown of the short films that comprised my middle pack (neither my favorites nor my un-favorites) and cruise through the five films, going from my favorite to my un-favorite.
So without further ado…

MY FAVORITE: Adam Stein’s “Dough: The Musical”
An inspired and delightful tale of a baker searching for a woman to wed, and a girl searching for a job to pay the rent.
Not only does Stein display his songwriting skills (always good to wear a lot of hats in Hollywood), but he’s got some interesting wordplay with the title going, to reflect how two people looking for two entirely different things can come together and discover mutual satisfaction.
This one’s funny and heartfelt, and if I have one complaint, it’s that the actors’ lipsynching skills aren’t completely convincing. (I’m a lipsynching stickler, sue me.)

Sam Friedlander’s “Broken Pipe Dreams”
Ingenious short about a man with a toilet bowl trauma (see it to believe it) losing an engagement ring to the porcelain god.
After getting me solidly in his camp with one of my favorites last week (“Replication Theory”), Friedlander has fun with Mission: Impossible and moves the audience with the apparent death of a fish. I can safely say I’ve never spent any previous 3 minutes of my life quite like this.

Shalini Kantayya’s “Laughing Out Loud: A Comic Journey”
The life of a gay Hindu stand-up comic, just before he has his first big show.
This one was the only short film of the batch that tended more towards the dramatic than the comedic, though it does play like a confessional camera piece, and the final advice, “Be yourself” is sort of really Hallmark-y and trite. (Carrie Fisher said it a lot more nicely and without the snarky tone.)
Of the five, this was also the one that looked most like a music video/advertisement, thus gaining guest judge Michael Bay’s vote.
It was moving though…

Trever James’ “Teri”
Another funny blind date short, this one is passably entertaining, till we get to the end.
While Kantayya’s effort had an ending we’d pretty much seen before, “Teri” has sort of a non-ending, as all Ben’s nightmares about his blind date evaporate into the aether when the nice-looking, normal Teri shows up at his door.

MY UN-FAVORITE: Hilary Graham’s “The First Time I Met The Finkelsteins”
Once again, Graham ends up an un-favorite with this “first dinner with potential in-laws” concoction. Just as real-life dinners of this sort can turn out, this one’s a disaster.
The end result is just coarse and unappealingly vulgar. Of course, that’s because the Finkelsteins are coarse and unappealingly vulgar, but then again, this is from the woman who gave us “Bus #1” (where a woman just really urgently needs to pee), so you gotta wonder, why is she still here when Phil Hawkins was sent home last week?

I learned two things from this episode: that having Friedlander and Stein on my lookout list was so on the money, and that Michael Bay talks like he’s a director who’s far more talented and gifted than his films actually indicate.
Who knows, maybe he is, but dude, lighten up. You were only on the show to promote Transformers anyway, right?

Parting shot: Due to its less than stellar ratings, On The Lot has been pared down to one episode a week.

(Contestant image courtesy of thelot.com; Michael Bay image courtesy of movies.yahoo.com.)

ON THE LOT
Film Premiere 1

Well, first off, I’d like to correct myself.
I was under the assumption that what we’d see in the 2-hour Premiere show would be the short film submissions of the 18 finalists (which is what I said in my look at Auditions Round 2: see Archive).
What we actually saw were the results of the finalists’ first challenge: shoot a 1-minute comedy short in one week.
Voting by the public begins with this show, and the 3 directors with the lowest number of votes get eliminated in Tuesday’s Box Office results show.

We also discover that Garry Marshall and Carrie Fisher are the regular judges, while the third seat is apparently a rotating one (Yahoo! No more Brett Ratner!).
For this show, the guest judge was D.J. Caruso (The Salton Sea, Taking Lives, and most recently, Disturbia).*

MY FAVORITES
Sam Friedlander’s “Replication Theory”: Like Fisher and Marshall, I‘m not particularly a fan of fart jokes, but Friedlander makes it work, taking us to different places (and times) using a painfully relatable social faux pas as his jump-off point.

Andrew Hunt’s “Spaced Out”: Those aliens were brilliant! And again, not a big fan of onscreen vomiting, but this was just flat out hilarious.

Zach Lipovsky’s “Danger Zone”: Done in one continuous 360 degree take (nearly 50 times till they got it right), effects wiz Lipovsky wisely chooses not to rely on his obvious strength—saving that for the brief glimpse of the runaway killer robot—and wows with technique and a really funny short.

MY UN-FAVORITES
Jessica Brillhart’s “… To Screw in a Light Bulb”: The gag just didn’t work. I think Marshall was right: it’s hard to make a metaphor funny.

Hilary Graham’s “Bus #1”: Yes, needing to take a piss while in a moving vehicle is universal, but as I’ve mentioned above, I’m not really big on toilet humor.

Kenny Luby’s “Wack Alley Cab”: This was just bizarre and not funny at all, like watching a lame “comedy” while on speed.

SPECIAL MENTION
Marty Martin’s “The Big Bad Heist”: This was funny. But it was a trailer, and not a short film with a beginning, middle, and end. Still, it looked great, had a cool Guy Ritchie vibe, and 24 angry little ninjas. How can you not like that?

THE REST OF THE PACK
Will Bigham’s “Lucky Penny”: A man finds the eponymous lucky penny in this Looney Tunes-flavoured tale.

Jason Epperson’s “Getta Rhoom”: A nerd (who unfortunately looks more like a special needs child) gets into a whole lotta trouble for playing monkey-see, monkey-do.

Phil Hawkins’ “Please Hold”: A young woman wakes up to find her apartment being burgled, and makes things worse by calling 911.

Trever James’ “A Golf Story”: A send-up of the alarmingly ubiquitous sports movie, on a mini-golf course.

Shalini Kantayya’s “Love in the Year 2007”: The hazards of the single life in the year 2007.

Mateen Kemet’s “Soft”: You can’t be “soft” if you wanna live in the `hood.

Claudia La Bianca’s “Blind Date”: The hazards of the single life in the year 2007, take 2.

David May’s “File Size”: The rigours of office life in the year 2007.

Carolina de San Martin’s “Deliver Me”: Going into labor in the year 2007.

Shira-Lee Shalit’s “Check Out”: The rigours of post-9/11 security.

Adam Stein’s “Dance Man”: About a man who can only communicate through interpretative dance.

What’s interesting to note in this batch of shorts are, a) that at least 5 of them are very timely, and of-the-moment, yet the shorts I thought were the funniest had concepts that were very timeless and universal (“Replication Theory” handled time, “Spaced Out” handled the universe).
And b) at least 4 turned to bodily functions for humour. Two of these, in turn, had said bodily function as the central idea of their premise: Friedlander brilliantly mines the fart, while Graham, ahem, takes the piss.

One more thing: Did I blink and miss something? Or did the show decide we didn’t need to see the cut that brought the field from the 24 of episode 2, to the 18 of this episode?

* I do find it odd that Caruso isn’t necessarily a comedy director, though I guess that’s already addressed by Marshall.

The 18 finalists:

Adam Stein, 29, freelance film editor, born in Miami, FL, currently living in Los Angeles
Andrew Hunt, 31, promo producer from Minneapolis, MN, raised in Pittsburgh, PA
Carolina de San Martin, 36, commercial director, originally from Santander, Spain, currently living in Los Angeles, CA
Claudia La Bianca, 28, painter and graphic artist, born in Bagheria, Sicily, Italy, currently lives in Miami, FL
David May, 23, admissions counselor living in Santa Ana, CA, but grew up in Aurora, CO
Hilary Graham, 37, stay-at-home wife and mom who lives in Francestown, NH, and raised in Chelmsford, MA
Jason Epperson, 30, owner of film production company, born and raised in Winchester, KY
Jessica Brillhart, 22, computer specialist, grew up in York, PA, currently living in Brooklyn, NY
Kenny Luby, 28, freelance director and painter, born and raised in Owego, NY
Marty Martin, 26, creative director of a multimedia company, born and raised in Seattle, WA
Mateen Kemet, 41, teacher, currently living in Los Angeles, CA, raised in the Bronx, NY
Phil Hawkins, 22, born and raised in Manchester, England, works as a freelance director
Sam Friedlander, 28, web producer, living in Santa Monica, CA, raised in Westchester, NY
Shalini Kantayya, 30, freelance director, raised in Hartford, CT, currently living in Brooklyn, NY
Shira-Lee Shalit, 38, acting teacher, born in Johannesburg, South Africa, now living in New York
Trever James, 24, film editor, currently living in Los Angeles, CA, and raised in Great Falls, MT
Will Bigham, 31, film editor, originally from Canyon, TX, currently living in Glendale, CA
Zach Lipovsky, 23, special effects editor from Vancouver, BC, Canada

Parting shot: Check out all the shorts at thelot.com.

(D.J. Caruso image courtesy of dga.org; contestant images courtesy of thelot.com.)

ON THE LOT
Auditions Round 2

So we are witness to the continued clash of egos and styles in two particular groups, which invariably ends in the elimination of one director from each group: Jeff Siebenick (the big guy who kept on getting in the face of the smaller guy, Marty Martin), and Hannah Sink (who, along with fellow director Jessica Brillhart, bumped heads with Kenny “I’m so proud I never went to film school” Luby).

With guest judge Jon Avnet in tow, Carrie Fisher and Brett Ratner run through the 12 short films, heaping praise on “Wilted” (by Jarrett Conaway, Jason Epperson, and Tamela D’Amico; watch it on the website) and “Time Out” (by fx wiz Zach Lipovsky, Sam Friedlander, and Adam Stein; though we get to see portions of it on the episode, you really should see the entire film too).
And though I love “Wilted,” “Time Out” really does rachet up the stakes, as these guys had the balls to go with an idea that pretty much relied on special effects, and actually pulled it off in the insanely constrictive time limit.
So right now, in my books, these are 6 directors I’m keeping my eye on.

Now, as for the show itself, I’m enjoying it, but my chief complaint is that there’s too much going on, so much so that we really don’t get to see a lot, and you’re forced to go on-line just to see what the judges sometimes refer to.
The thing is, when I watch a television show, I don’t want to have to be forced to go elsewhere for everything to make sense to me. I feel that the TV show itself should be able to stand alone and give me all I need to enjoy the On The Lot viewing experience.
I mean, it’s not like these were particularly long short films. They were 2 and a half minutes each, so that comes to 30 minutes total. Would it have hurt Fox to have had a second 1-hour long episode, just so the audience could see all 12 films, instead of the snippets we saw in this episode?
Hopefully, when the field gets whittled down further, then On The Lot can settle down to actually showing us both the directors, as well as their work, in greater detail.

So we left the 24 remaining directors with a new challenge: with 30 minutes of prep time, they’re tasked to direct and shoot a 1-page script in 1 hour. The shorts resulting from this challenge will determine which 18 will go on to next week’s first “Film Premiere” episode. Running 2 hours, it’ll showcase the short films the remaining 18 directors initially submitted, that got them into that field of 50 we saw in the first episode.
(Now, how we get from the 24 of episode 2 to the 18 of episode 3, I’m not entirely sure, but I can only assume we’ll see the 6 eliminations in the initial part of next week’s 2-hour show.)
That’s followed by a “Box Office” results show the following day, where we learn the results of the voting, and who gets sent home.

The remaining 24 directors, as of the end of episode 2:

Adam Stein, 29, freelance film editor, born in Miami, FL, currently living in Los Angeles
Andrew Hunt, 31, promo producer from Minneapolis, MN, raised in Pittsburgh, PA
Brent M., 34, freelancer producer, born and raised in Dallas, TX
Carolina Z., 36, commercial director, originally from Santander, Spain, currently living in Los Angeles, CA
Claudia L., 28, painter and graphic artist, born in Bagheria, Sicily, Italy, currently lives in Miami, FL
David M., 23, admissions counselor living in Santa Ana, CA, but grew up in Aurora, CO
Dean L., 36, writer/director, living in Los Angeles , CA , originally from New York City
Hilari S., 40, independent filmmaker living in Los Angeles, CA, raised in Chicago, Atlanta and NYC
Hilary G., 37, stay-at-home wife and mom who lives in Francestown, NH, and raised in Chelmsford, MA
Jarrett Conaway, 24, graduate student living in Los Angeles, originally from Virginia Beach, VA
Jason Epperson, 30, owner of film production company, born and raised in Winchester, KY
Jessica Brillhart, 22, computer specialist, grew up in York, PA, currently living in Brooklyn, NY
Justin L., 24, digital post-production engineer, born and raised in Orange County, CA
Kenny Luby, 28, freelance director and painter, born and raised in Owego, NY
Marty Martin, 26, creative director of a multimedia company, born and raised in Seattle , WA
Mateen K., 41, teacher, currently living in Los Angeles, CA, raised in the Bronx, NY
Phil H., 22, born and raised in Manchester, England, works as a freelance director
Sam Friedlander, 28, web producer, living in Santa Monica, CA, raised in Westchester, NY
Shalini K., 30, freelance director, raised in Hartford, CT, currently living in Brooklyn, NY
Shira-Lee S., 38, acting teacher, born in Johannesburg, South Africa, now living in New York
Tamela D’Amico, 27, singer, actress and filmmaker living in Los Angeles, raised in Deer Park, NY
Trever J. 24, film editor, currently living in Los Angeles, CA, and raised in Great Falls, MT
Will Bigham, 31, film editor, originally from Canyon, TX, currently living in Glendale, CA
Zach Lipovsky, 23, special effects editor from Vancouver, BC, Canada

The list is from the On The Lot website, and for some reason, the contestants’ last names appear only as initials. I supplied the last names of the directors I’m aware of at the moment.

(Images courtesy of thecinemasource.com [Spielberg] and cbs.com [Burnett].)