Five-Legged Iguana

LOST
Season 4 Episodes 13 & 14
“There’s No Place Like Home” (Parts Two and Three)
Written by Damon Lindelof & Carlton Cuse
Directed by Jack Bender
(WARNING: SPOILERS)

Given the density of events (and resultant chaotic emotions left in those events’ wakes) in this season’s 2-hour finale, I opted to break this into 2 parts, if only to make it a more manageable read.

[2 of 2]


Meanwhile, back at the Orchid, with Keamy now good and croaked, Ben triggers the Vault, which has its own minor ka-blooey moment.
Ben then puts on that fleece-lined parka we saw him in in the Sahara (quadruple hmmmm…) and tells Locke to go back to the Others and to lead them.
In another brilliant moment that made me actually care for poor, manipulative Ben, it turns out that Jacob told Locke to move the Island, but not how, because he wanted Ben to do the dirty work, because it seems that whosoever moves the Island, can’t ever come back to it.
Ever. (Or so poor, manipulative Ben claims.)


So Locke leaves, and we see him later on being welcomed by Richard and the Others.
Jacob’s b!tch, Ben, on the other hand, goes through the ruptured Vault into some sort of frozen rocky area, where there’s a large wheel (the Frozen Donkey Wheel, I assume), which he then struggles to turn.
And here, Ben, the disgraced and out-of-favour son, looks broken and he’s actually crying, even as he turns the wheel…


… and there’s a sound in the air…

… and there’s a light in the sky…


… and even as the people on the helicopter watch (Frank intending to land on the Island again before the fuel runs out)…


… and even as Ju-Ju and Sawyer on the Beach watch…


… and even as Idiot Zodiac Daniel and his second group of sock puppets watch…


… and even as the Others and their newly anointed leader, Locke, watch…


… the…


… Island…


… disappears…


It’s just gone, and apparently, so is the other smaller island where Jack, Kate, and Sawyer were imprisoned in the first part of Season 3.
So, without any Island to land on, the helicopter finally runs out of fuel, and goes ker-plash.
All the Oceanic Six survive, of course, as does Frank, and there’s a moment or two when they make it look like Des took too much seawater in the lungs, but Doc Obsesso does mouth-to-mouth, and Des sputters, coughs up salt water, and keeps on breathing. (Unlike poor Charlie, Des, who you sent down to a watery grave on the strength of a vision involving, oh, what was it again? Oh yeah! Claire and Aaron. On a helicopter!!!)


So the Oceanic Six plus two are floating on the helicopter’s life raft, when they spot a ship out in the night, and even as they’re shouting for it, I have a nasty flashback to Season One’s finale, and Mr. Friendly asking for Walt…
Jack though, is more concerned about something else, so he tells the others about the Great Lie.
Well, not the details, not yet, but rather, that they just have to lie, about everything, to keep those they left behind safe, from whoever sent that freighter.
But when the Searcher comes close enough, it turns out to be… Penny’s boat!
So Des and Penny get their happy, happy moment, and yes, I am moved by it, but I must ask, Where’s Claire’s semi-happy moment? Damn you, Desmond! Damn you, Lindelof and Cuse!


So the next week is spent off-screen, hatching the details of the Great Lie, and even as the Oceanic Six gather to get on a raft and make it to Membata, it looks like Sun’s still in deep, deep shock.
Frank stays on board the Searcher, of course, as does Des, who says he’ll be okay, so long as he’s with Penny. (What about Claaaaiiire?!?)
And the Oceanic Six make it to Membata…

Now, let’s spin our own Frozen Donkey Wheel, and check out those flashforwards…


Kate has a dream where she sees Claire in Aaron’s room, and Claire tells Kate not to bring Aaron back (to the Island, I believe we can safely assume).
And I think, Oh great, Claire’s really dead, isn’t she? (Damn you, Desmond!)
If she is dead though, why is her ghost (for lack of a better term) telling Kate not to bring Aaron back to the Island, when, normally, the “ghosts” exist to do the Island’s bidding, and as we’ll find out later, everyone has to go back to the Island?


Hurley gets a visit at the loonybin, from… Walt!!!
Walt, who, all growed-up now, tells Hurley he was paid a visit by “Jeremy Bentham,” the fellow in that Season 3 finale coffin.
Walt, who asks Hurley why are they lying about what happened, and Hurley answers, To keep the people we left behind safe.
Like my Dad, poor, hideously naïve Walt asks.
Yeah, Hurley lies, like your Dad…


Hurley then later gets another visit, from… Sayid, a.k.a. Ben’s Crying Freeman.
Sayid tells Hurley about Bentham’s “suicide,” and that he’s breaking Hurley out of the loonybin, to take him someplace safe.
Hurley makes certain, You’re not taking me back there, are you?
No, I’m not, Crying Freeman lies.
And Sayid’s arrival breaks up a chess game Hurley’s apparently having with an unseen Mr. Eko…


And in a shocking flashforward, Sun is in London, and has a chat with… Da Widmore!
From the conversation, it’s clear that Sun’s corporate take-over has successfully placed her in charge.
It also becomes apparent (or so they’re making us think), that Sun is willing to help Da W. find the Island again. (Is this truly Dark Sun, or is she playing along with Ben’s puppetry, to take down the other man she feels is responsible for Jin’s death? But who does Sun hold ultimately responsible, along with her father? Da W.? Or Ben? Or (gasp!) Jack?


And in another shocking flashforward, and a return to that night that began in Season 3’s finale and continued in this finale’s opening moments, Jack returns to that damned anagrammatical funeral parlour. He breaks in, and stands before the closed casket of “Jeremy Bentham.”
But who should also arrive to pay his respects, but… Ben! (Effectively taking him off the Casket Candidate List… Oh. No.)
It turns out that “Bentham” (Oh. No.) not only visited Walt, he also contacted Jack and Kate, and apparently told Jack that after they left the Island, bad, bad things happened, and that they happened because Jack and the others were never meant to leave, and thus, the bad, bad things were all Jack’s fault.
“Bentham” (Oh. No.) was trying to convince them that they all had to go back to the Island, and Ben agrees. And of course, at this point, so does Beardo Jack. Ben’s even aware of Jack’s scarily pathetic flights on Oceanic, just hoping for another crash.
Ben points out though, this is only going to work if you all go back.
Jack then says (oh the poor, depressed, guilt-ridden guy), Hurley’s nuts, and Sun blames me for Jin’s death, and I don’t know where Sayid is, and Kate won’t even talk to me…
Ben then says, I think I can help you with that.
Then, in a morbid turn that ranks right up there with Locke carrying his dead conman da’s body on his back, Ben says, You all have to go back, even him, and we all then get to see the man in the casket, and it’s (Oh. No.) John Locke…

COUNTDOWN: 34.

Parting shot: So the Season 4 2-hour finale originally aired May 29, and I had had this post written and ready a few days afterwards.
It’s suddenly late-November and Season 5 is less than two months away, and only now do I actually get this recap on the Iguana.
Which just goes to prove it isn’t only on the Island where time goes all wonky…

(Lost OS courtesy of impawards.com.)