A Rundown of the 13 (plus) Best Horror Movies I’ve Seen in the Past Year
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The Apocalypse Cinema Slot

CTHULHU

(June 2007)

I’ve known about this one for awhile though only now have managed to catch up with it, and I must say, this one’s an interesting and excellent Lovecraft adaptation by director Dan Gildark, a piece that tries things and goes places that are foreign to other Lovecraft adaptations.

Take “The Shadow Over Innsmouth” as a foundation, then splice in some gay themes and strains of apocalypse cinema, and throw in Gus Van Sant stalwart Scott Patrick Green and the Tori Spelling, and you’ll have a vague notion of what’s in store for you in Cthulhu.

For my money, one of the best Lovecraft adaptations I’ve seen…

THE DIVIDE

(March 2011)

This is one of those films I got to see over the past year, but didn’t have the time to write about previously.

Apologies, Monsieur Xavier Gens.

This one takes the boiler room scenario of titles like The Mist, as a bunch of tenants in an apartment building are crammed into the basement with the crotchety super, Mickey (Michael Biehn, baby!), in the hopes of riding out the nuclear devastation that’s wreaked havoc aboveground.

Sadly, human nature creeps to the surface and things don’t go so well for the poor unfortunates, who include Lauren German, Rosanna Arquette, and Milo Ventimiglia.

(Cthulhu OS courtesy of impawards.com and The Divide OS courtesy of reelizer.com.)

¡Qué horror! 2012

Candidate # 26

CTHULHU

(June 2007)

I’ve known about this one for awhile though only now have managed to catch up with it, and I must say, this one’s an interesting and excellent Lovecraft adaptation by director Dan Gildark, a piece that tries things and goes places that are foreign to other Lovecraft adaptations.

Take “The Shadow Over Innsmouth” as a foundation, then splice in some gay themes and strains of apocalypse cinema, and throw in Gus Van Sant stalwart Scott Patrick Green and the Tori Spelling, and you’ll have a vague notion of what’s in store for you in Cthulhu.

For my money, one of the best Lovecraft adaptations I’ve seen…

(Cthulhu OS courtesy of impawards.com.)

SMALLVILLE Season 6 Episodes 10 & 11

Despite the fact that (or maybe precisely because) I’m such a big fan of Big Blue, I’ve never really followed Smallville with any solid regularity. Once again, live TV superheroics are marred by weak writing.
I mean, how many times must Lana get stalked by the Freak of the Week? How many times must Clark/Lana/Lex/Chloe/Lois get controlled by some external force, act all gonzo or evil or horny (or all three simultaneously), then have convenient amnesia once the dust settles? And just when does the madness end? The tortured relationships of Smallville put Dawson’s Creek’s to shame.
Still, I keep an eye out for specific episodes, just to see if, maybe, things have begun to look up on Smallville. Two of those episodes just aired.

Season 6 Episode 10 “Hydro”

I made it a point to watch this ‘cause I’m such a huge Tori Spelling fan.
Heh.
Aheh.
Aha-ha-ha!*
Actually, it’s because “Hydro” is Tom Welling’s second directorial effort for Smallville, and since his directorial debut (season 5’s “Fragile”) managed to sneak past my radar, I told myself I needed to see “Hydro,” so I could ascertain whether Clark could direct, as well as fly.
What I got though, was your average run-of-the-mill Smallville with Tori S. as the Freak of the Week, some more tortured relationship hooey (Lex has proposed to Lana, Lana hasn’t given him an answer ‘cause she’s still in love with Clark, but she’s pregnant, blah blah blah, boo hoo hoo, ad nauseum), and yet another anticlimactic showdown with the aforementioned Freak of the Week.
I dunno. Why has this show stayed on the air for 6 seasons?

Season 6 Episode 11 “Justice”

Okay.
This just didn’t do it for me. Considering this was the Justice League episode, it was vastly underwhelming, with a negligible plot and mostly toilet paper-thin characterizations.
And the costumes…
Oh, the humanity…
This could conceivably have worked better as a multi-parter, but Smallville just doesn’t work that way. So we’re treated to 40+ minutes of good guys running around in bad suits, with the fanboy highlight apparently a shot of the “League” walking towards the camera in Hollywood action film slowmo as Lex’s evil lab explodes behind them (as depicted above). Yeesh.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if they’d actually looked the heroic part, but those suits would just die on Project Runway. Nina Garcia would absolutely slay those outfits.

And the performances. Urrrr. Former American Idol contestant Alan Ritchson (Aquaman) does little except flash his smirky grin, walk around bare-chested, and be the butt of fish jokes.
Justin Hartley (Green Arrow; he also played Aquaman on the failed TV pilot Mercy Reef) and Lee Thompson Young (Cyborg) don’t really elevate the acting either.
Kyle Gallner (Impulse; perhaps more widely seen on Veronica Mars) is the only one who actually registers, in that impish, precocious Bart Allen way. (This episode might even have been better off as an Impulse spotlight.)
And Lois is such a superhero groupie slut, it’s embarrassing. First she does the kissy-face with Aquaman in season 5, then is all hot and heavy and talking coitus without the interruptus with Green Arrow—though “Justice” does seem to put a punctuation mark on that relationship. Still. Slut. (Yes, she doesn’t know Ollie is Green Arrow, but can you imagine all the locker room talk on the JL Watchtower in years to come?)
And though I will admit that it was neat-o to see Chloe be this League’s Oracle, if you want to see the League done right, there’s 5 seasons of the animated series out there. Hop to it.

Again, why has Smallville been around for 6 seasons?

* Actually, I enjoyed Tori Spelling’s cameo in Scream 2’s metamovie. I’ll give her credit for that.

(Images courtesy of kryptonsite.com. Review originally posted 012307.)