reVIEW (21)
CONSTANTINE

Don’t believe the travel brochures.
Hell’s a great place to visit. Really. And you don’t even need a visa, just a container of water and a cat in your lap.
Just take a look at Constantine, a film which kicks off (after some short preliminaries) with an exorcism in a Filipino community in L.A., a sequence designed to firmly establish that this is NOT your father’s Exorcist. No creaky old Max Von Sydow chanting “The power of Christ compels you…” here; in this movie, all you need to smite some demon butt is a mirror and Keanu Reeves.

Based on Hellblazer, the DC comic from its Vertigo line of titles (non-superhero, and geared to a more mature audience), Constantine pretty much captures a certain aspect of the comic: the backstreet, DIY nature of John Constantine’s brand of magic—no chanting, no rituals, and no explanations. Stick your feet (still in their shoes, mind you) in a container of water, and presto, you get to visit Hell. Why? Because it works that way.
Now, in the comic, these little tricks fly because the writers and artists are able to create a world where stuff like this actually makes some strange sort of sense, a world where the bizarre belongs. A world with atmosphere.
Tragically, Francis Lawrence, who directed Constantine, is the kind of music video director who thinks atmosphere is something you see, rather than feel, the kind of music video director who seems to be after the pretty shot, and not much else.*

Take the film’s Hell. It’s got that post-apocalyptic L.A. After the Bomb look, with lots of open-headed CGI nasties scrambling about, but it doesn’t really convey a true sense of the Kingdom of Pain, no brimstone whiff of genuine Hellishness. The Mongolian hordes on a Sunday at Megamall are far more vicious and intimidating. Now that’s what I call “Hell.”
And, granted, the film does have its moments (Constantine battling demon half-breeds in a rain of holy water; the divine Tilda Swinton’s Gabriel getting down to business; Shia LaBeouf‘s Chas, in his final, post-end credits shot), but they’re too few, and too far between, to make any real sort of impact on the whole; a whole that ends up being a badly-paced, plodding affair, with a plot of the connect-the-dots school: bump off minor characters A and B to get major characters C and D to points E and F.

Now, though I’m dead certain there’ll be Hellblazer fans out there who’ll belabor the point that this is not the John Constantine of the comic book, that, Heavens to Murgatroid, Constantine isn’t even American, personally, I think the real problem is more that Constantine wasn’t just turned into any old Yank, he was turned into… duuude… Keanu!
Though I’ve managed to enjoy some films despite his presence (The Matrix, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Dangerous Liaisons), Reeves simply doesn’t have either the acting chops or the gravitas to pull off the complexity of John Constantine, the likeable rogue, the anti-hero scoundrel haunted by far too many ghosts, playing both sides off against the middle, trying to buy his way into Heaven while struggling to keep just one step ahead of the Reaper. None of that is in evidence here. Instead, all he does is smoke, add a husky register to his voice, and look testy and vaguely constipated.

And though Rachel Weisz (of The Mummy films) tries gamely to give dimension to her conflicted Catholic cop Angela Dodson, she suffers, acting opposite the likes of Reeves. Performance-wise, the high points of Constantine are Tilda Swinton (Young Adam, The Deep End), whose androgynous beauty is perfect for Gabriel, and Pruitt Taylor Vince (Identity, S1m0ne) as Father Hennessy.
The rest of the cast are sabotaged, either by a script that leaves their characters underdeveloped and unexplored (like LaBeouf‘s Chas, who comes off as too much the loyal, eager puppy ready to learn), or because they’re forced to act alongside you-know-who.
Then of course, there’s Gavin Rossdale. Casting Bush’s front man as demon half-breed Balthazar might have been a good idea, if Rossdale could actually carry a scene, but there’s just too much of the preening rock star in him; he’s not acting, he’s performing. The confrontation between Constantine and Balthazar towards film’s end is a bizarre moment where the audience is watching the collision of a quasar and a black hole. I have no idea what that is in astronomical terms, but it’s something I don’t care to see again.
And please, don’t get me started on Peter (Spun, Fargo) Stormare’s Devil.

In the end, Constantine isn’t a complete loss. Like I said, it has its moments, and you do get to visit Hell without all the unpleasantness advertised in the brochures.
Just don’t expect too much, and Heavens to Murgatroid, don’t expect Hellblazer.
Do that, and you may actually not regret having seen the film.

* Please don’t think I’m being a snob here. There are video directors out there who understand atmosphere: David Fincher (Fight Club), Spike Jonze (Being John Malkovich), Mark Romanek (One Hour Photo), Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). Lawrence, though…

(Constantine OS courtesy of impawards.com.)

(The above is a slightly altered version of a previously published review entitled “To Hell and Back.”)

DISTURBIA
(Review)

Shia LaBeouf.
You may not know how to spell his name just yet, but chances are, if you’ve seen Transformers (review: Archive July 2007), you know this kid and you know his face. And though he’s been banging around for a while now (maybe you saw him in Constantine, or in The Greatest Game Ever Played, or in Bobby, or maybe even Disney’s Even Stevens), Steven Spielberg seems to be making a big push to crown him the first official star of Hollywood’s latest generation of actors.
After the Spielberg-produced Transformers, Shia is going to be up on the big screen with pop culture icon Indiana Jones, in the upcoming Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods.
But if there is indeed some evil Spielbergian Master Plan, that Plan starts here, in D.J. Caruso’s Disturbia.

Kale Brecht (LaBeouf) lost his father (Matt Craven) in a tragic car accident a year ago. Since then, he’s had a number of run-ins with the law. The latest ends in his house arrest, for which his mother Julie (Carrie-Anne Moss) needs to pay the state $12 a day for.
Consigned to his house and most of the front- and backyard by a “tether,” tormented by the neighbourhood kids, cut off from his Xbox and his iTunes, and suffering “chronic boredom,” Kale discovers the “reality without the television,” as he starts spying on his neighbours, particularly newcomer Ashley (Sarah Roemer, from The Grudge 2).
But Kale soon begins to suspect his neighbour, Mr. Turner (David Morse), has a murderous secret, and his house arrest quickly proves to be much more than he bargained for.

Now, if anything works in this agreeable popcorn thriller, it’s clearly LaBeouf, who anchors the audience with a credible performance of a teen-ager unsuccessfully dealing with the grief and guilt of a parent’s death.
From the opening prologue, which ends with that great reaction shot as Kale realizes his father is dead, LaBeouf presents an identifiable protagonist who, for all his subsequent fixation on Turner and his suspected crimes, is still at heart, a teen-ager with raging hormones.
LaBeouf proves up to the task, as he juggles all this, while still maintaining the charm and charisma that is speedily making him a household name.
And in Roemer, the film finds a leading lady who meets LaBeouf on the same level. Roemer’s performance may not be as solid as LaBeouf’s (we learn a lot more about Ashley from Kale’s monologue about her than what we actually see on-screen), but she holds up nonetheless.
It’s the other cast members who don’t fare quite as well.

While Carrie-Anne Moss does her best with a slightly underwritten part, Aaron Yoo (who plays Ronnie, Kale’s goofy best friend) is the stereotypical comic relief, and David Morse, is, well, David Morse. The man can do “Creepy Dude” in his sleep, and probably does. It may have been more interesting to have had an actor cast against type as Turner, instead of Mr. King Creepy Dude.

Still, despite sections terribly reminiscent of past films (The Blair Witch Project, Poltergeist, as well as the obvious and oft-mentioned Rear Window—it’s not like this is the first time anyone’s used the Rear Window gambit, after all), Disturbia does succeed in its modest aims.
As I mentioned earlier, it’s an agreeable popcorn thriller. It’s not exactly riveting, but it is engaging. But perhaps most importantly, its success at the box-office is a clear signal that LaBeouf is on the cusp of Hollywood stardom, an idea that Spielberg seems more than happy to see come to fruition.

(Disturbia OS courtesy of impawards.com.)

AFTERTHOUGHTS (11)

11.1 They’re like the coolest comic book team-ups ever! Seriously.
I mean, Guillermo Del Toro and Clive Barker?! Guillermo Del Toro and Neil Gaiman?! Awesomeness!
Awesomeness on a level so high, this wasn’t even on my most fevered wish list.
Awesomeness…
Oh. Right. Sorry.

Pause.
Rewind.
Play.

Like directors Luc Besson and Michael Bay, Guillermo Del Toro has, of late, made himself mighty conspicuous on the producing end of things, with films like Cronicas (Chronicles) and El Orfanato (The Orphanage).
Now, among the film projects Del Toro is currently producing are two of particular note.

The first, the long-awaited film adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s Death: The High Cost of Living.
Having languished in what Gaiman calls “… a kind of weird `getting-it-made’ hell” for quite a while now, this one’s gradually coming together at long last, and will reportedly contain scenes Gaiman had to cut out of the comic book due to the limited page count. Shia LaBeouf is also reportedly in the running to play Sexton Furnival, in what will be Gaiman’s feature film directorial debut.

The second, Daniel Simpson’s Born, a horror film starring Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany, with Del Toro and Barker in two of the producing chairs; Barker also co-wrote the script.
It’s about a stop-motion animator whose creations begin to live out some horrific nightmare in the real world.

What did I say?
Awesomeness.

11.2 And while we’re talking about Clive Barker, there’re some more Barkerian projects coming down the pike.

First up is the currently filming Midnight Meat Train (based on the Books of Blood short story of the same name), starring Bradley Cooper (Will Tippin from Alias) and Bullet Tooth Tony himself, Vinnie Jones. Also in the cast are Brooke Shields, Roger Bart (hilarious in The Producers and Frank Oz’s The Stepford Wives, and I’m guessing not so hilarious in Hostel: Part II), and Popular’s Leslie Bibb (soon to be seen in Trick ‘r Treat and Iron Man).
This one’s got the excellent cinematographer Jonathan Sela (John Moore’s The Omen remake and Martin Weisz’s Rohtenburg: review in Achive: June 2007) on-board, and is being directed by Ryuhei Kitamura (who helmed the bizarre gangsters and zombies flick, Versus).

Also in development are two other Books of Blood tales, Pig Blood Blues and The Book of Blood.
Additionally, Barker has penned the script for the upcoming Hellraiser remake.
There’s also the long-in-gestation The Thief of Always, which has been knocking about for a yonk’s age. It was recently reported that Shrek 2 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron helmer Kelly Asbury, was taking the director’s chair.

Meanwhile, I honestly have no idea as to the status of Barker’s Tortured Souls, which seems to have fallen into the same “`getting-it-made’ hell” The High Cost of Living was in till recently.

Ah, well. There’s Midnight Meat Train to look forward to first.
And Born.
Sweet.

(Images courtesy of telegraph.co.uk [Guillermo Del Toro]; www-news.uchicago.edu [Neil Gaiman]; locusmag.com [Clive Barker]; clearvisionmpg.com [Born OS]; and shocktillyoudrop.com [Midnight Meat Train image of Vinnie Jones as Mahogany].)