THE THAW
(Review)

“The melting Arctic will reveal a frightening truth.”

In the ecological horror film The Thaw, director Mark A. Lewis presents us with a prehistoric parasitic terror that could prove to be the end of all there is. (Or, at the very least, put a very serious dent in civilization as we know it.)
The apocalypse cinema conceit is established right off the bat with the news montage-as-opening credits sequence gambit done in such entries as Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead redux, Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later, and Logan McMillan’s Last of the Living.
The gambit worked in those films, as it does here.
Of course, the reality is, as early as its opening credits sequence, The Thaw is already recalling earlier horror films, and it continues to do so, as the reels unwind…


Set on Banks Island, in the Canadian Arctic, the film brings to mind John Carpenter’s The Thing, the first season X-Files episode, “Ice” (which was, itself, a sort-of, kind-of Thing retread), Carter Smith’s adaptation of The Ruins, and the brilliant eco-horror entry, Larry Fessenden’s The Last Winter.
Which is, frankly, rather august company, if not for the fact that The Thaw suffers in comparison.
Having said that though, I must stress that The Thaw is still worth your time. I mean, when you’ve got X-Files alumnus William B. Davis in the aforementioned opening credits, talking about global warming and Armageddon and how it’s all our damned fault, well, that’s something that you need to pay attention to.


I have to say though, that aside from the semi-familiarity of the material, the cast isn’t exactly across-the-board good either.
There’s Val Kilmer in there (as ex-eco-activist David Kruipen) and Smallville’s Aaron Ashmore (whose twin Shawn happens to have been in The Ruins) and Everything’s Gone Green’s Steph Song, who’s saddled with a rather thankless role here.
There’s also Martha MacIsaac (as Kruipen’s mightily pissed-off daughter, Evelyn) and Kyle Schmid (from TV’s Blood Ties).
I shall refrain from pointing out which of the above are the weak links in the film’s cast… (Though I will say that MacIsaac did a great job in Dennis Iliadis’ remake of The Last House on the Left.)


Still, with all its flaws, The Thaw does have a bunch of cringe- and shudder-inducing moments, and, like The Last Winter, can serve as an effective cautionary tale of how we, as a race inclined to apathy, and perpetually unsatisfied with our lot, may very well end up destroying ourselves.
If you’ve been avoiding Davis Guggenheim’s An Inconvenient Truth thus far because “documentary” is still a dirty word to you, then perhaps The Thaw is the answer.
I mean, if a teeny Ice Age parasite can help wake up the masses, I’m sure Al Gore wouldn’t mind…


Parting shot: Reviews of The Last Winter, The Ruins, The Last House on the Left, and Everything’s Gone Green can be found in the Archive.

(The Thaw DVD cover art and images courtesy of shocktillyoudrop.com.)

FUTURAMA:
BENDER’S BIG SCORE
(Review)

Sweet Yeti of the Serengeti! They’re back, baby!
And I honestly hadn’t realized how much I’d missed Fry and Bender and Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth and the rest of the crew till a few minutes into the opening sequence of the direct-to-DVD movie, Bender’s Big Score.
It’s only here, apparently, when the crew finds out that they were cancelled two years ago! And it’s only now that Farnsworth actually remembers to inform them that they’re fired.
It seems that the “brainless drones” and “asinine morons” at the Box Network (or is that Fox Network?) saw fit to pull the plug on Planet Express. But fret not, for Farnsworth gets a call and is informed that they’ve all been renewed again, and all those drones and morons have been “ground up into a fine pink powder,” which has a million and one uses, and becomes a running joke through the length of the hilarious Big Score.
It was also only here, after Farnsworth gives us all the good news, when I realized I’d missed that signature theme too.
Oh, the little things…

Bender’s Big Score is a sweet ride that should be a blast for all you Futurama junkies out there. It’s got some familiar faces, the debut of the alluded-to-but-never-before-seen Chanukah zombie (voiced by Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hamill), some neat and catchy tunes, a rather familiar-looking rabbit, and the reason why Al Gore lost the presidency in 2000.
It’s got time paradoxes and spam and inevitable doom and true love and New Scamadonia and remote-controlled solid-gold Death Stars and Kitten-class attack fighters.
Oh, and more Benders than you can shake a rusty wrench at. Plus, “the ancient and terrible secret of Fry’s buttocks”! What more could you want?!

I think we all know it’s a big universe out there. Massive. But it feels that much bigger without Zoidberg, doesn’t it?
So go on. Get ‘cher new Futurama fix, out on DVD. Now.

And if you’ve never seen Futurama before, well, all 72 episodes are out on DVD, meatbag, so go make those Fox… errr, I mean Box Network morons happy and flash those credit card digits. So says Hypnotoad.
And don’t worry. This ain’t no scam. (You can leave your email address at the door.)

Parting shot: There’re three more straight-to-DVD Futurama features scheduled for 2008, The Beast with a Billion Backs, Bender’s Game, and Into the Wild Green Yonder.
All four features will then reportedly be edited and slightly reconfigured to serve as a score of half-hour long episodes which will then air on Comedy Central; some reports say 13 episodes, some, 16.
(Okay. Whatever. Just so’s I got me my Bender…)

(Futurama: Bender’s Big Score DVD cover art courtesy of amazon.com; images courtesy of ilovebender.com.)